【读后续写】 2021年11月湖丽衢高三联考读后续写讲评：Chicken Soup for the Soul Thanks Dad!名师课件-陈星可

20211105湖丽衢联考读后续写WatchOverMe陈星可

浙江省天台中学PART01文本研习PART02情节推断PART03语料积累PART04作品欣赏Contents:WatchingOverMe

ThereisnothingmorewonderfulthanthesmelloftheAdirondackair!Itfillsyourlungswithpurityandfreshnessthatmotivatesaloveforliving.Everyweekendinthesummer,myfatherwouldplanatripfromourhomeinupstateNewYorktooneofthesplendidlakesnestledamongthetallpinesandthickforestsoftheAdirondackMountains.Therewerenofavorites;instead,eachlakewasanadventuretoexploreandenjoy.

OnetripthatIwillneverforgetwasavisittoOneidaLakeatthefoothillsofthemountains.Afterarrivingatthelakebeacharea,weemptiedthecarofourpicnicsupplies,towels,blanketsandbeachchairs,carryingthemthroughawoodedpaththatseemedlikeaforeverdistance.Oncewelocatedtheperfectpicnicspot,mydad,sisterandIranintothesplashingwaveswithourbeachball,leavingmymotherbehindto“setup”.Inthelake,weimmediatelyplayed“monkeyinthemiddle”foratleastanhour,andthenafterretiringtheball,myfatherletusdivefromhisknee,throwingusupintheairandturningusoverlikethickpancakesonagrill.Thistimelessgamewentonandonasourbegging试题呈现：for“more,more”neverstopped.Whenwewerefinallytiredofourgames,mydadstoppedtowatchmyoldersister.Shelovedsynchronizedswimming(花样游泳)andstartedpracticingskillsthatherteamusedincompetition.Myfather,beinganathletehimself,wasabsorbedinhershow.Iwassadthatnoonewasplayingwithme;noonewaswatchingme.Ibecameboredandjealouswatchinghershowoff.Iwasinsulk(愠怒)anddecidedtoswimbymyselfandtrysomeofmysister’sskillsonmyownindeeperwater,farfrombothofthem.Thewavesweregettingstronger,butIdidn'tcare.IjustwantedtodowhatmysistercoulddosothatIcouldcatchmyfather'sattention.

Paragraph1:AsItookabreathtotryadive,ahugewaveswallowedme.__________________________________________________________________

Paragraph2:Itwasmydad!______________________________________________________________________________________________________nestledexploreininplaceplayingtiredwatchWithoutfarswallowedUnderstandingthepassage:

Everyweekend

insummer,Fatherwouldplanatriptothelakes1.________intheAdirondackMountainsto2.e__________theirpurity,freshnessandbeauty.Andoneadventure3.____particularremainsaliveinmymind.Afterwearrivedatthebeachandputeverything4.________forthepicnic,Dad,mysisterandIhadreallyafuntime5.__________(play)“monkeyinthemiddle”gameanddad’sthrowingusintheair.Whenwefinallygot6._____ofthegame,mydadstoppedto7._______myoldersisterpractisingsynchronizedswimmingskills.8.__________anyonewatchingmeandplayingwithme,Iwasabitboredandjealous.Tocatchmyfather’sattention,Idecidedtotrysomeofmysister’sskillsinthewater9.____awayfromthem.Unluckily,ahugewave10.____________me...1.守护，保护，

看管2.坐落于松树林间的湖3.拿出车里的野餐用品4.确定野餐的地方5.飞溅的浪花6.把某人抛到半空中（开心）7.把...翻过来8.对...感到厌倦9.全神贯注于...10.炫耀，展示11.吸引某人的注意力12.被浪吞没Languagelearning：1.watchover2.thelakenestledamongthepines3.emptythecarofthepicnicsuppliesemptythepicnicsuppliesoutofthecar4.locatethepicnicspot5.thesplashingwaves6.throwsb.upintheair7.turn...over8.betiredof...9.beabsorbedin...10.showoff11.catchsb’sattention12.beswallowed/engulfedbythewave1.ThereisnothingmorewonderfulthanthesmelloftheAdirondackair!Languagelearning：2.

Myfatherletusdivefromhisknee,throwingusupintheairandturningusoverlikethickpancakesonagrill.3.monkeyinthemiddle高级句式“否定词+比较级”：表达最高级的意思。此句可以改写为ThesmellofAdirondackisthemostwonderfulofall.采用了明喻的修辞手法，一般以like,asif,asthough等为标志,增加了描写的画面感和生动性。背景知识：过顶传球（儿童游戏，由两人抛传球，中间一人争抢）Developthestory：Paragraph1:AsItookabreathtotryadive,ahugewaveswallowedme.

Paragraph2:Itwasmydad!巨浪吞没了我---我惊恐、害怕，在水中挣扎---自救失败，我后悔、绝望---有人出现，救起了我爸爸把我救到了沙滩上---全家人安慰我，没有责骂我---我深感内疚，明白家人一直爱着我，虽然有时候并没有看/关注着我。Developthestory：thefirstsentencesParagraph1:AsItookabreathtotryadive,ahugewaveswallowedme.

Paragraph2:Itwasmydad!逆推法Myfathercametomyhelp.Q1:HowdidIfeelaboutthesituationandwhatdidIdo?(心理活动+动作+情绪/感)Q2:DidImanagetogetoutofwater?HowdidIfeel?(心理活动+动作+情绪情感)Q1:HowdidIfeelafterIgotontothebeach?(心理活动+动作)Q2:Whatdidmyfamilymemberdo?(动作+情绪情感)Q3:HowdidIreflectontheunpreparedadventure?(内心想法+抽象名词+watch)fathersister

waves

waterlove

explorecarrydive

watch

bored

Developthestory：underlinedwords（para1）1.Iwasstrugglinginthewater,afraidthatmylifewouldenduphereinthelake.2.Itriedtokeepmyselffloatingabovethewater,butthewaveskeptpullingmedownunder.3.Ifeltdesperate,likeatinybrokenboatatthemercyoftheangrywaves.4.MystrengthwasrunningoutandIwasonthevergeofgivingupwhensomeoneswamclosetomeandtookmyhand,firmly.

1.HowIregrettedhavingbeensowillfulastoleavemydadanddiveintosuchalonelyplace!Now,itwastoolate.2.Ifeltastrongpushfromunderandmyselfbeingcarriedupoutofwater.

fathersister

waves

waterlove

explorecarrydive

watch

bored

Developthestory：underlinedwords（para2）1.Father

huggedmetightlyandcarriedmebacktoaplacewhereIcouldstand.2.Hehadnevertakenhiseyeoffme,evenashehadtheothereyeonmysister.3.Lookingbacktheatthestrongwaves,Ifeltluckytobebackaliveandashamedofmychildishjealousyofmysister.

1.SeeingIwasbackonthebeach,safeandsound,mysisterheavedasighofrelief.2.Withouthiswatchingoverme,withouthislovingme,IwouldnotbethestrongwomanIamtoday.3.Iwaswellawarethatdad’slovewasactuallyalwaysshoweredonmeandstayedwithmethoughsometimeshewasnotwatchingme.

1.Iimmediatelyregrettedhavingsaidthis.

我马上就后悔说了这话。2.Hewasdeeplyregretfulforhisoutburst.

我为自己的大发雷霆懊悔。3.Iwasstabbedwithregret/remorse.

我因悔恨而心如刀割4.IfIhadn’tquarrelledwithPeter,

Iwouldn’tbetrappedhere.

虚拟语气

=Hadn’tIquarrelledwithPeter,Iwouldn’tbetrappedhere.

要不是当初没有和Peter吵架，我就不会被困在这里了。5.Shewassodesperate/hopelessthatshegaveupstruggleindespair.

太绝望了，她放弃了努力/挣扎。Languageaccumulation-后悔、绝望6.Desperately,Isoughthelpfrommyuncle,butinvain.

我绝望地寻求着帮助，但是无果而终。7.Tonywassuddenlythrownintoaworldofdarknessandsankintohopelessness.

Tom被扔进了绝望的深渊。8.Myheartached/sank,tearsstreamingdownmycheeks.

我的心痛得绝望，泪如雨下。9.Hisheartswelledwithdisappointmentwhen…

他的心里满是失望，......。10.Theharshwordssentherintothedepthsofdespair.

这尖刻的话语把我送进了绝望的深渊。Languageaccumulation-后悔、绝望1.Aripple/waveoffearran/surgedthroughhim/hisbody.

一阵恐惧席卷他全身。2.Devisatonthesideonabench,paralyzedwithfear.

Devi坐在一长凳的边上，吓坏了。3.Tremorswrackedmybody,andcoldsweattrickleddownmyback.

我被吓得身体抖个不停，冷汗直流背下。4.Shewasstruck/consumed/overcomewithfearwhen…

她被吓到了。5.Ifrozewithterror,tooscaredtomoveaninch.

我吓呆了，僵在那里动不了。6.Ifeltawaveoffearwraparoundme.

我感到一阵恐惧包围了我。Languageaccumulation-害怕7.Paulawasseizedbyfearandwasrootedtothefloor.

Paula无比恐惧，双脚好像钉在了地上。8.Shewasfrightenedoutofherwits.

她吓得魂不附体。9.Helookedattherobber,hislegstrembling/shaking.

他看着那劫犯，双腿抖个不停。10.Hisfaceturnedpalewithfright.

他的脸吓得都白了。11.Hishairstoodonendashethoughthesawawhitefigurecomingtowardshim.

当他看到一个白影朝他走过来，他吓得头发都竖了起来。12.Thehorriblescenemademybloodruncoldandstruckfearintomyheart.

那可怕的场面使我毛骨悚然，胆战心惊。

Languageaccumulation-害怕1.Thecoastlinewashiddenbehindtheroaringwaveswithalmostnoonetobeseen.

海岸线已经退到汹涌的海浪的后边，岸边不见一人。2.Ahugewavewhistledandapproachedus.

一阵海浪呼啸而来，逼近我们。3.Thebigwindroaredthroughourears,andwewerepushedawayfromtheshorefartherandfarther.

大风在耳边咆哮，

把我们刮得离海岸越来越远。4.Allmysensestoldmethatabigwavewasabouttocome.

所有得感觉都指向一件事：大浪要来了。5.Thefiercewavesshowednosignofdyingdown.

凶猛得海浪没有丝毫消退的迹象7.Theseawasroughthatdayanditwasdifficulttohandlethebodyboard.

海面波涛汹涌，要把控好船只太难了。Languageaccumulation-波涛汹涌参考范文：

AsItookabreathtotryadive,ahugewaveswallowedme.Ichokedandthenahugeundercurrentsweptmedeeperbeneaththewaves.Theverythoughtofdyingfilledmewithamadpanic.Ikickedmylegswildly,losinganyhopeforabreath.Iremembertryingtostandup,butthesandybottomhaddisappeared.AsIcameupsearchingforthesurface,strugglingforoxygen,sputteringtoclearmylungs,Ifeltafirmgrasponmyarmandapulltosafety.

Itwasmydad!HehuggedmetightlyandcarriedmebacktoaplacewhereIcouldstand.Therewasnoscolding,justabighugandsmilebecauseheknewIwasallright.Hehadbeenwatchingmeallalong!Hehadnevertakenhiseyeoffme,evenashehadtheothereyeonmysister.Hehadprotectedme.Beingtoldbysomeonethatyouarelovedisgreat,butexperiencingthatloveisawesome.Withouthiswatchingoverme,withouthislovingme,IwouldnotbethestrongwomanIamtoday.

AsItookabreathtotryadive,ahugewaveswallowedme.Thewaveseemedtobegettingstrongerandstronger,attemptingtopullmedeepertothebottomofthelake.Strugglinghardtokeepmyselffloating,Ikickedmylegsdesperately,butitdidn’twork.Itriedtocalldadforhelp,butitwasfarawayandmycrywasswallowedbytheroarofthewave.Everyluckseemedtobegoingagainstme!Thinkingthatmylifemightenduphereinthelake,Ifeltlikeatinybrokenatthemercyofthefrighteningwave