牛津书虫第6级6-01.Jane Eyre Chapter 29

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Chapter29

Therecollectionofaboutthreedaysandnightssucceedingthisisverydiminmymind.Icanrecallsomesensationsfeltinthatinterval;butfewthoughtsframed,andnoactionsperformed.IknewIwasinasmallroomandinanarrowbed.TothatbedIseemedtohavegrown;Ilayonitmotionlessasastone;andtohavetornmefromitwouldhavebeenalmosttokillme.Itooknonoteofthelapseoftime—ofthechangefrommorningtonoon,fromnoontoevening.Iobservedwhenanyoneenteredorlefttheapartment:Icouldeventellwhotheywere;Icouldunderstandwhatwassaidwhenthespeakerstoodneartome;butIcouldnotanswer;toopenmylipsormovemylimbswasequallyimpossible.Hannah,theservant,wasmymostfrequentvisitor.Hercomingdisturbedme.Ihadafeelingthatshewishedmeaway:thatshedidnotunderstandmeormycircumstances;thatshewasprejudicedagainstme.DianaandMaryappearedinthechamberonceortwiceaday.Theywouldwhisper

sentencesofthissortatmybedside-

“Itisverywellwetookherin.”

“Yes;shewouldcertainlyhavebeenfounddeadatthedoorinthemorninghadshebeenleftoutallnight.Iwonderwhatshehasgonethrough?”

“Strangehardships,Iimagine—poor,emaciated,pallidwanderer?”

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“Sheisnotanuneducatedperson,Ishouldthink,byhermannerofspeaking;heraccentwasquitepure;andtheclothesshetookoff,thoughsplashedandwet,werelittlewornandfine.”

“Shehasapeculiarface;fleshlessandhaggardasitis,Iratherlikeit;andwheningoodhealthandanimated,Icanfancyherphysiognomywouldbeagreeable.”

NeveronceintheirdialoguesdidIhearasyllableofregretatthehospitalitytheyhadextendedtome,orofsuspicionof,oraversionto,myself.Iwascomforted.

Mr.St.Johncamebutonce:helookedatme,andsaidmystateoflethargywastheresultofreactionfromexcessiveandprotractedfatigue.Hepronounceditneedlesstosendforadoctor:nature,hewassure,wouldmanagebest,lefttoherself.Hesaideverynervehadbeenoverstrainedinsomeway,andthewholesystemmustsleeptorpidawhile.Therewasnodisease.Heimaginedmyrecoverywouldberapidenoughwhenoncecommenced.Theseopinionshedeliveredinafewwords,inaquiet,lowvoice;andadded,afterapause,inthetoneofamanlittleaccustomedtoexpansivecomment,“Ratheranunusualphysiognomy;certainly,notindicativeofvulgarityordegradation.”

“Farotherwise,”respondedDiana.“Tospeaktruth,St.John,myheartratherwarmstothepoorlittlesoul.Iwishwemaybeabletobenefitherpermanently.”

“Thatishardlylikely,”wasthereply.“Youwillfindsheissomeyoungladywhohashadamisunderstanding

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withherfriends,andhasprobablyinjudiciouslyleftthem.Wemay,perhaps,succeedinrestoringhertothem,ifsheisnotobstinate:butItracelinesofforceinherfacewhichmakemescepticalofhertractability.”Hestoodconsideringmesomeminutes;thenadded,

“Shelookssensible,butnotatallhandsome.”“Sheissoill,St.John.”

“Illorwell,shewouldalwaysbeplain.Thegraceandharmonyofbeautyarequitewantinginthosefeatures.”

OnthethirddayIwasbetter;onthefourth,Icouldspeak,move,riseinbed,andturn.Hannahhadbroughtmesomegruelanddrytoast,about,asIsupposed,thedinner-hour.Ihadeatenwithrelish:thefoodwasgood—voidofthefeverishflavourwhichhadhithertopoisonedwhatIhadswallowed.Whensheleftme,Ifeltcomparativelystrongandrevived:erelongsatietyofreposeanddesireforactionstirredme.Iwishedtorise;butwhatcouldIputon?Onlymydampandbemiredapparel;inwhichIhadsleptonthegroundandfalleninthemarsh.Ifeltashamedtoappearbeforemybenefactorssoclad.Iwassparedthehumiliation.

Onachairbythebedsidewereallmyownthings,cleananddry.Myblacksilkfrockhungagainstthewall.Thetracesofthebogwereremovedfromit;thecreasesleftbythewetsmoothedout:itwasquitedecent.Myveryshoesandstockingswerepurifiedandrenderedpresentable.Therewerethemeansofwashing

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intheroom,andacombandbrushtosmoothmyhair.Afterawearyprocess,andrestingeveryfiveminutes,Isucceededindressingmyself.Myclotheshunglooseonme;forIwasmuchwasted,butIcovereddeficiencieswithashawl,andoncemore,cleanandrespectablelooking—nospeckofthedirt,notraceofthedisorderIsohated,andwhichseemedsotodegrademe,left—Icreptdownastonestaircasewiththeaidofthebanisters,toanarrowlowpassage,andfoundmywaypresentlytothekitchen.

Itwasfullofthefragranceofnewbreadandthewarmthofagenerousfire.Hannahwasbaking.Prejudices,itiswellknown,aremostdifficulttoeradicatefromtheheartwhosesoilhasneverbeenloosenedorfertilisedbyeducation:theygrowthere,firmasweedsamongstones.Hannahhadbeencoldandstiff,indeed,atthefirst:latterlyshehadbeguntorelentalittle;andwhenshesawmecomeintidyandwell-dressed,sheevensmiled.

“What,youhavegotup!”shesaid.“Youarebetter,then.Youmaysityoudowninmychaironthehearthstone,ifyouwill.”

Shepointedtotherocking-chair:Itookit.Shebustledabout,examiningmeeverynowandthenwiththecornerofhereye.Turningtome,asshetooksome

loavesfromtheoven,sheaskedbluntly-“Didyouevergoa-beggingaforeyoucamehere?”

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Iwasindignantforamoment;butrememberingthatangerwasoutofthequestion,andthatIhadindeedappearedasabeggartoher,Iansweredquietly,butstillnotwithoutacertainmarkedfirmness-

“Youaremistakeninsupposingmeabeggar.Iamnobeggar;anymorethanyourselforyouryoungladies.”

Afterapauseshesaid,“Idunnutunderstandthat:you’velikenohouse,nornobrass,Iguess?”

“Thewantofhouseorbrass(bywhichIsupposeyoumeanmoney)doesnotmakeabeggarinyoursenseoftheword.”

“Areyoubook-learned?”sheinquiredpresently.“Yes,very.”

“Butyou’veneverbeentoaboarding-school?”“Iwasataboarding-schooleightyears.”

Sheopenedhereyeswide.“Whatevercannotyekeepyourselffor,then?”

“Ihavekeptmyself;and,Itrust,shallkeepmyselfagain.Whatareyougoingtodowiththesegooseberries?”Iinquired,asshebroughtoutabasketofthefruit.

“Mak’‘emintopies.”

“GivethemtomeandI’llpickthem.”

“Nay;Idunnutwantyetodonought.”

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“ButImustdosomething.Letmehavethem.”

Sheconsented;andsheevenbroughtmeacleantoweltospreadovermydress,“lest,”asshesaid,“Ishouldmuckyit.”

“Ye’venotbeenusedtosarvant’swark,Iseebyyourhands,”sheremarked.“Happenye’vebeenadressmaker?”

“No,youarewrong.Andnow,nevermindwhatIhavebeen:don’ttroubleyourheadfurtheraboutme;buttellmethenameofthehousewhereweare.”

“SomecallsitMarshEnd,andsomecallsitMoorHouse.”

“AndthegentlemanwholiveshereiscalledMr.St.John?”

“Nay;hedoesn’tlivehere:heisonlystayingawhile.Whenheisathome,heisinhisownparishat

Morton.”

“Thatvillageafewmilesoff?

“Aye.”

“Andwhatishe?”

“Heisaparson.”

Irememberedtheansweroftheoldhousekeeperattheparsonage,whenIhadaskedtoseetheclergyman.“This,then,washisfather’sresidence?”

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“Aye;oldMr.Riverslivedhere,andhisfather,andgrandfather,andgurt(great)grandfatheraforehim.”

“Thename,then,ofthatgentleman,isMr.St.JohnRivers?”

“Aye;St.Johnislikehiskirstenedname.”“AndhissistersarecalledDianaandMaryRivers?”“Yes.”

“Theirfatherisdead?”

“Deadthreeweekssin’ofastroke.”

“Theyhavenomother?”

“Themistresshasbeendeadthismonyayear.”“Haveyoulivedwiththefamilylong?”

“I’velivedherethirtyyear.Inursedthemallthree.”

“Thatprovesyoumusthavebeenanhonestandfaithfulservant.Iwillsaysomuchforyou,thoughyouhavehadtheincivilitytocallmeabeggar.”

Sheagainregardedmewithasurprisedstare.“Ibelieve,”shesaid,“Iwasquitemista’eninmythoughtsofyou:butthereissomonycheatsgoesabout,youmunforgieme.”

“Andthough,”Icontinued,ratherseverely,“youwishedtoturnmefromthedoor,onanightwhenyoushouldnothaveshutoutadog.”

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“Well,itwashard:butwhatcanabodydo?Ithoughtmoreo’th’childernorofmysel:poorthings!They’velikenobodytotak’careon‘embutme.I’mliketolooksharpish.”

Imaintainedagravesilenceforsomeminutes.

“Youmunnutthinktoohardlyofme,”sheagainremarked.

“ButIdothinkhardlyofyou,”Isaid;“andI’lltellyouwhy—notsomuchbecauseyourefusedtogivemeshelter,orregardedmeasanimpostor,asbecauseyoujustnowmadeitaspeciesofreproachthatIhadno‘brass’andnohouse.SomeofthebestpeoplethateverlivedhavebeenasdestituteasIam;andifyouareaChristian,yououghtnottoconsiderpovertyacrime.”

“NomoreIought,”saidshe:“Mr.St.Johntellsmesotoo;andIseeIworwrang—butI’veclearadifferentnotiononyounowtowhatIhad.Youlookaraightdowndacentlittlecrater.”

“Thatwilldo—Iforgiveyounow.Shakehands.”

Sheputherflouryandhornyhandintomine;anotherandheartiersmileilluminedherroughface,andfromthatmomentwewerefriends.

Hannahwasevidentlyfondoftalking.WhileIpickedthefruit,andshemadethepasteforthepies,sheproceededtogivemesundrydetailsaboutherdeceasedmasterandmistress,and“thechilder,”asshecalledtheyoungpeople.

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OldMr.Rivers,shesaid,wasaplainmanenough,butagentleman,andofasancientafamilyascouldbefound.MarshEndhadbelongedtotheRiverseversinceitwasahouse:anditwas,sheaffirmed,“aboontwohundredyearold—forallitlookedbutasmall,humbleplace,naughttocomparewi’Mr.Oliver’sgrandhalldowni’MortonVale.ButshecouldrememberBillOliver’sfatherajourneymanneedlemaker;andth’Riversworgentryi’th’owddayso’th’Henrys,asonybodymightseebylookingintoth’registersi’MortonChurchvestry.”Still,sheallowed,“theowdmaisterwaslikeotherfolk—naughtmichouto’t’commonway:starkmado’shooting,andfarming,andsichlike.”Themistresswasdifferent.Shewasagreatreader,andstudiedadeal;andthe“bairns”hadtakenafterher.Therewasnothinglikethemintheseparts,noreverhadbeen;theyhadlikedlearning,allthree,almostfromthetimetheycouldspeak;andtheyhadalwaysbeen“ofamak’oftheirown.”Mr.St.John,whenhegrewup,wouldgotocollegeandbeaparson;andthegirls,assoonastheyleftschool,wouldseekplacesasgovernesses:fortheyhadtoldhertheirfatherhadsomeyearsagolostagreatdealofmoneybyamanhehadtrustedturningbankrupt;andashewasnownotrichenoughtogivethemfortunes,theymustprovideforthemselves.Theyhadlivedverylittleathomeforalongwhile,andwereonlycomenowtostayafewweeksonaccountoftheirfather’sdeath;buttheydidsolikeMarshEndandMorton,andallthesemoorsandhillsabout.TheyhadbeeninLondon,andmanyothergrandtowns;buttheyalwayssaidtherewasno

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placelikehome;andthentheyweresoagreeablewitheachother—neverfelloutnor“threaped.”Shedidnotknowwheretherewassuchafamilyforbeingunited.

Havingfinishedmytaskofgooseberrypicking,Iaskedwherethetwoladiesandtheirbrotherwerenow.

“GoneovertoMortonforawalk;buttheywouldbebackinhalf-an-hourtotea.”

TheyreturnedwithinthetimeHannahhadallottedthem:theyenteredbythekitchendoor.Mr.St.John,whenhesawme,merelybowedandpassedthrough;thetwoladiesstopped:Mary,inafewwords,kindlyandcalmlyexpressedthepleasureshefeltinseeingmewellenoughtobeabletocomedown;Dianatookmyhand:sheshookherheadatme.

“Youshouldhavewaitedformyleavetodescend,”shesaid.“Youstilllookverypale—andsothin!Poorchild!—poorgirl!”

Dianahadavoicetoned,tomyear,likethecooingofadove.ShepossessedeyeswhosegazeIdelightedtoencounter.Herwholefaceseemedtomefullofcharm.Mary’scountenancewasequallyintelligent—herfeaturesequallypretty;butherexpressionwasmorereserved,andhermanners,thoughgentle,moredistant.Dianalookedandspokewithacertainauthority:shehadawill,evidently.Itwasmynaturetofeelpleasureinyieldingtoanauthoritysupportedlikehers,andtobend,wheremyconscienceandself-respectpermitted,toanactivewill.

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“Andwhatbusinesshaveyouhere?”shecontinued.“Itisnotyourplace.MaryandIsitinthekitchensometimes,becauseathomeweliketobefree,eventolicense—butyouareavisitor,andmustgointotheparlour.”

“Iamverywellhere.”

“Notatall,withHannahbustlingaboutandcoveringyouwithflour.”

“Besides,thefireistoohotforyou,”interposedMary.

“Tobesure,”addedhersister.“Come,youmustbeobedient.”Andstillholdingmyhandshemademerise,andledmeintotheinnerroom.

“Sitthere,”shesaid,placingmeonthesofa,“whilewetakeourthingsoffandgettheteaready;itisanotherprivilegeweexerciseinourlittlemoorlandhome—toprepareourownmealswhenwearesoinclined,orwhenHannahisbaking,brewing,washing,orironing.”

Sheclosedthedoor,leavingmesoluswithMr.St.John,whosatopposite,abookornewspaperinhishand.Iexaminedfirst,theparlour,andthenitsoccupant.

Theparlourwasratherasmallroom,veryplainlyfurnished,yetcomfortable,becausecleanandneat.Theold-fashionedchairswereverybright,andthewalnut-woodtablewaslikealooking-glass.Afewstrange,antiqueportraitsofthemenandwomenofotherdaysdecoratedthestainedwalls;acupboardwithglassdoorscontainedsomebooksandanancientsetofchina.

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Therewasnosuperfluousornamentintheroom—notonemodernpieceoffurniture,saveabraceofworkboxesandalady’sdeskinrosewood,whichstoodonaside-table:everything—includingthecarpetandcurtains—lookedatoncewellwornandwellsaved.

Mr.St.John—sittingasstillasoneofthedustypicturesonthewalls,keepinghiseyesfixedonthepageheperused,andhislipsmutelysealed—waseasyenoughtoexamine.Hadhebeenastatueinsteadofaman,hecouldnothavebeeneasier.Hewasyoung—perhapsfromtwenty-eighttothirty—tall,slender;hisfacerivetedtheeye;itwaslikeaGreekface,verypureinoutline:quiteastraight,classicnose;quiteanAthenianmouthandchin.Itisseldom,indeed,anEnglishfacecomessoneartheantiquemodelsasdidhis.Hemightwellbealittleshockedattheirregularityofmylineaments,hisownbeingsoharmonious.Hiseyeswerelargeandblue,withbrownlashes;hishighforehead,colourlessasivory,waspartiallystreakedoverbycarelesslocksoffairhair.

Thisisagentledelineation,isitnot,reader?Yethewhomitdescribesscarcelyimpressedonewiththeideaofagentle,ayielding,animpressible,orevenofaplacidnature.Quiescentashenowsat,therewassomethingabouthisnostril,hismouth,hisbrow,which,tomyperceptions,indicatedelementswithineitherrestless,orhard,oreager.Hedidnotspeaktomeoneword,norevendirecttomeoneglance,tillhissistersreturned.Diana,asshepassedinandout,inthe

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courseofpreparingtea,broughtmealittlecake,bakedonthetopoftheoven.

“Eatthatnow,”shesaid:“youmustbehungry.Hannahsaysyouhavehadnothingbutsomegruelsincebreakfast.”

Ididnotrefuseit,formyappetitewasawakenedandkeen.Mr.Riversnowclosedhisbook,approachedthetable,and,ashetookaseat,fixedhisbluepictorial-lookingeyesfullonme.Therewasanunceremoniousdirectness,asearching,decidedsteadfastnessinhisgazenow,whichtoldthatintention,andnotdiffidence,had

hithertokeptitavertedfromthestranger.

“Youareveryhungry,”hesaid.

“Iam,sir.”Itismyway—italwayswasmyway,byinstinct—evertomeetthebriefwithbrevity,thedirectwithplainness.

“Itiswellforyouthatalowfeverhasforcedyoutoabstainforthelastthreedays:therewouldhavebeendangerinyieldingtothecravingsofyourappetiteatfirst.Nowyoumayeat,thoughstillnotimmoderately.”

“ItrustIshallnoteatlongatyourexpense,sir,”wasmyveryclumsily-contrived,unpolishedanswer.

“No,”hesaidcoolly:“whenyouhaveindicatedtoustheresidenceofyourfriends,wecanwritetothem,andyoumayberestoredtohome.”

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“That,Imustplainlytellyou,isoutofmypowertodo;beingabsolutelywithouthomeandfriends.”

Thethreelookedatme,butnotdistrustfully;Ifelttherewasnosuspicionintheirglances:therewasmoreofcuriosity.Ispeakparticularlyoftheyoungladies.St.John’seyes,thoughclearenoughinaliteralsense,inafigurativeoneweredifficulttofathom.Heseemedtousethemratherasinstrumentstosearchotherpeople’sthoughts,thanasagentstorevealhisown:thewhichcombinationofkeennessandreservewasconsiderablymorecalculatedtoembarrassthantoencourage.

“Doyoumeantosay,”heasked,“thatyouarecompletelyisolatedfromeveryconnection?”

“Ido.Notatielinksmetoanylivingthing:notaclaimdoIpossesstoadmittanceunderanyroofinEngland.”

“Amostsingularpositionatyourage!”

HereIsawhisglancedirectedtomyhands,whichwerefoldedonthetablebeforeme.Iwonderedwhathe

soughtthere:hiswordssoonexplainedthequest.“Youhaveneverbeenmarried?Youareaspinster?”

Dianalaughed.“Why,shecan’theaboveseventeenoreighteenyearsold,St.John,”saidshe.

“Iamnearnineteen:butIamnotmarried.No.”

Ifeltaburningglowmounttomyface;forbitterandagitatingrecollectionswereawakenedbytheallusiontomarriage.Theyallsawtheembarrassmentandthe

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emotion.DianaandMaryrelievedmebyturningtheireyeselsewherethantomycrimsonedvisage;butthecolderandsternerbrothercontinuedtogaze,tillthe

troublehehadexcitedforcedouttearsaswellascolour.“Wheredidyoulastreside?”henowasked.

“Youaretooinquisitive,St.John,”murmuredMaryinalowvoice;butheleanedoverthetableandrequiredananswerbyasecondfirmandpiercinglook.

“Thenameoftheplacewhere,andofthepersonwithwhomIlived,ismysecret,”Irepliedconcisely.

“Which,ifyoulike,youhave,inmyopinion,arighttokeep,bothfromSt.Johnandeveryotherquestioner,”remarkedDiana.

“YetifIknownothingaboutyouoryourhistory,Icannothelpyou,”hesaid.“Andyouneedhelp,doyounot?”

“Ineedit,andIseekitsofar,sir,thatsometruephilanthropistwillputmeinthewayofgettingworkwhichIcando,andtheremunerationforwhichwillkeepme,ifbutinthebarestnecessariesoflife.”

“IknownotwhetherIamatruephilanthropist;yetIamwillingtoaidyoutotheutmostofmypowerinapurposesohonest.First,then,tellmewhatyouhavebeenaccustomedtodo,andwhatyouCANdo.”

Ihadnowswallowedmytea.Iwasmightilyrefreshedbythebeverage;asmuchsoasagiantwithwine:it

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gavenewtonetomyunstrungnerves,andenabledmetoaddressthispenetratingyoungjudgesteadily.

“Mr.Rivers,”Isaid,turningtohim,andlookingathim,ashelookedatme,openlyandwithoutdiffidence,“youandyoursistershavedonemeagreatservice—thegreatestmancandohisfellow-being;youhaverescuedme,byyournoblehospitality,fromdeath.Thisbenefitconferredgivesyouanunlimitedclaimonmygratitude,andaclaim,toacertainextent,onmyconfidence.Iwilltellyouasmuchofthehistoryofthewandereryouhaveharboured,asIcantellwithoutcompromisingmyownpeaceofmind—myownsecurity,moralandphysical,andthatofothers.

“Iamanorphan,thedaughterofaclergyman.MyparentsdiedbeforeIcouldknowthem.Iwasbroughtupadependant;educatedinacharitableinstitution.Iwilleventellyouthenameoftheestablishment,whereIpassedsixyearsasapupil,andtwoasateacher—LowoodOrphanAsylum,-shire:youwillhaveheardofit,Mr.Rivers?—theRev.RobertBrocklehurstisthetreasurer.”

“IhaveheardofMr.Brocklehurst,andIhaveseentheschool.”

“IleftLowoodnearlyayearsincetobecomeaprivategoverness.Iobtainedagoodsituation,andwashappy.ThisplaceIwasobligedtoleavefourdaysbeforeIcamehere.ThereasonofmydepartureIcannotandoughtnottoexplain:itwouldbeuseless,dangerous,andwouldsoundincredible.Noblameattachedtome:Iam

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asfreefromculpabilityasanyoneofyouthree.MiserableIam,andmustbeforatime;forthecatastrophewhichdrovemefromahouseIhadfoundaparadisewasofastrangeanddirefulnature.Iobservedbuttwopointsinplanningmydeparture—speed,secrecy:tosecurethese,IhadtoleavebehindmeeverythingIpossessedexceptasmallparcel;which,inmyhurryandtroubleofmind,IforgottotakeoutofthecoachthatbroughtmetoWhitcross.Tothisneighbourhood,then,Icame,quitedestitute.Islepttwonightsintheopenair,andwanderedabouttwodayswithoutcrossingathreshold:buttwiceinthatspaceoftimedidItastefood;anditwaswhenbroughtbyhunger,exhaustion,anddespairalmosttothelastgasp,thatyou,Mr.Rivers,forbademetoperishofwantatyourdoor,andtookmeundertheshelterofyourroof.Iknowallyoursistershavedoneformesince—forIhavenotbeeninsensibleduringmyseemingtorpor—andIowetotheirspontaneous,genuine,genialcompassionaslargeadebtastoyourevangelicalcharity.”

“Don’tmakehertalkanymorenow,St.John,”saidDiana,asIpaused;“sheisevidentlynotyetfitforexcitement.Cometothesofaandsitdownnow,Miss

Elliott.”

Igaveaninvoluntaryhalfstartathearingthealias:Ihadforgottenmynewname.Mr.Rivers