《老爸老妈浪漫史 第六季 第11-15集》英中字幕

===《老爸老妈浪漫史第六季第11-15集》英中字幕=========目录第11集 2第12集 15第13集 28第14集 41第15集 52

第11集Kids,inthewinterof2010,孩子们2010年的冬天wehadanewadditiontoourlittlegroup我们的小团体加入的新成员Zoey.苏伊Zoeywasmarriedto..苏伊有个老公TheCaptain.自称船长Boys!Greattoseeyou!孩子们很高兴见到你们Lookingsmart.小伙儿挺帅啊Haveawonderfultimetonight,okay?今晚玩得开心点好咩Okay.很好Thatmanisterrifying.这位仁兄太可怕了Everythinghesaidwasnice,butIamprofoundlyscared.他说的话都很友善可我咋就头皮发麻呢Keepsmiling.Hecanstillseeus.保持微笑他还看得见咱呢Therewasjustsomethingabouthim.我们总觉得他哪儿不对劲Wecouldn'tputourfingeronituntil...可又说不上毛病在哪直到...Ifigureditout!我总算明白了Iknowwhat'ssocreepyaboutTheCaptain.我知道船长让人害怕的原因了Okay.好你说Yeah.看IsnappedthisphotoofhimlasttimehedroppedoffZoey.他昨晚送苏伊来的时候我快拍下了这照片Observe.请观察Thebottomhalfofhisface...他脸的下半部分issmiling.笑眯眯的Look,heseemshappy.他看似很欢乐Seemslikeaniceguy.看似很友善Butthetophalfofhisface...但是他脸的上半部分...wantstomurderyou!凶神恶煞的宰人样Cheerful.很欢乐很友善Wantstomurderyou.凶神恶煞的宰人样No.Cheerful.不很欢乐很友善哦Wantstomurderyou.恨不能宰了你Now,holdon.Letmeaskhimaquestion.现在等下我来问个问题Captain,whatdoyouthinkoficecream?船长你觉得冰激凌怎样Oh,helovesit!看他超爱冰激凌Captain,whatdoyouthinkofrainydays?船长你觉得雨天怎么样Whoa,hehatesthem.哇他恨透下雨天Captain,quickquestion:船长问个小问题HowdoyoufeelabouttheJonasBrothers?Ooh.你觉得乔纳斯兄弟怎么样[摇滚组合]What-Whatisthat?这...这是什么意思-Idon'tgetit.-Idon'tgetit.-我没明白-搞不懂Hehatesthathelovesthem.又爱又恨冰火两重天Ah!原来如此Great.Okay.好极了好的Hey,guys,Zoeyjusttoldmeabout伙计们苏伊跟我说thisgreatFrankLloydWrightretrospectivetonight.今晚有个超赞的弗兰克•劳埃德•赖特巡回展弗兰克•劳埃德•赖特:建筑大师Who'sin?谁想一起去Sorry,I'm,uh,I...抱歉那个我...I-Idon'tknow,washingmyhair.准备洗个头什么的Runningthewater.我帮你放水Holdingthetowel.我给你拿毛巾AndI'llbehometryingtogetoverthefact我会在家黯然神伤独自纠结thatnooneinvitedmetothebighairwashingparty.为毛没人邀我去参加洗头狂欢节Allright,fine.Guessit'lljustbemeandZoey.好吧那就我和苏伊俩去咯Oh,wait.Justthetwoofyou?等一下就你们俩吗Treadlightly,Mosby.小心擦枪走火啊小莫Anytimeasingleguyhangsoutwithamarriedwoman,无论何时一个单身男跟个已婚少妇出门therearerulesthatmustbefollowed.一定要严守以下规则Rulenumberone...第一Don'tusethehusband'scondoms.千万别用她老公的套套That'sjustrude.那样太失礼了Rulenumberone:第一don'tgoanywherethathascandles.千万不能去点蜡烛的地方Excuseme,Captain,howdoyoufeel打扰一下船长你如何看待aboutTedandZoeyhavinganintimatechatbycandlelight?泰德和苏伊两人亲密的秉烛夜谈It'llbethelastdinnertheyeverhave.那将是你们最后的晚餐Rulenumbertwo:第二Nosharingfood.不要共享食物Infact,anythinginvolvingsalivaisoff-limits.事实上只要牵扯到口水就要坚决杜绝Toothbrushes,thermometers,lipstick.牙刷体温计唇膏统统不行Well,ifIcan'tshareherlipstick,讨厌啦如果不能共用她的唇膏there'sreallynopointinevengoing.人家连展览都不想去了Andthemostimportantruleofall...最后也是最重要的一点Lubricantispublicproperty.润滑剂可以随便用啦Please.拜托Nolyingtothespouseaboutanythingyoudo.全程必须毫无保留地告诉配偶Whywouldanyonelie?这有什么可隐瞒的Look,ZoeyandIarejustfriends.听好我和苏伊不过是朋友Iftherewasanythingmorethanthat,如果有一丁点儿暧昧Iwouldn'thangoutwithher.我绝不会跟她出去Lily'sright,Ted.莉莉说得对泰德Onceyou'remarried,it'sveryhard一旦你结婚了就很难tobefriendswithasinglepersonoftheoppositesex.跟一个潜在性伴侣保持朋友关系Yeah.Unlessyou'reoldfriends,没错除非是个老朋友whichiswhyicanhangoutwithMarshallwheneverIwant.所以我随时都可以找马修玩Right,MarshMadness?对不对呀马修也疯狂Nodoubt,RoboCop.没错咆哮小宾宾Youtwoneverhangoutalone.你俩从不单独行动Youjustmadeupthosenicknamesrightnow.刚才那些绰号也都是随口取的Iguessit'strue.我想应该是哦YouandIneverreallyhangoutalone.咱俩都没单独出去玩过Well,let's.Let'shavedinnertogether,justthetwoofus.那就去呗一起吃晚饭就咱俩Oh!Sweet.真窝心耶Nocandles.不准点蜡烛Nocandles.要蜡烛干啥Lily,Iguessthatleavesjustyouandme.莉莉那样的话就剩咱俩了Wanttohang?想与我共度夜晚吗AndthenLilysaidsomethingtoBarney随后莉莉的回答thatinsultedeveryfiberofhisbeing.深切地凌辱了巴尼的每一个细胞Nah.拉倒Wait.No.Ithadtobemorethanjust,"Nah."等下不对肯定比"拉倒"这个词更伤人Oh,Ithinkshesaid...我记得她原话是You'reabig...stupidoctopushead!你这愚蠢的大头章鱼No,thatdoesn'tmakesense.不对不可能这样无故骂人Okay,hangon.Whatdidshesay?好了等一下她怎么说的来着Shesaid,um,uh...她说呃Tobehonestkids,I'mhavingalittletroubleremembering实话实说孩子们爹有点儿想不起来exactlywhattheirfightwasabout.他们当时为什么吵起来了Hey,itwas20yearsago!喂都二十年前的事了好不好I'llremember.我会想起来的Anyway,thenextnight...随便啦第二天晚上Well,Lily,youwereright.莉莉你说的没错SomethingweirdhappenedwithZoeylastnight.昨晚我跟苏伊真的怪怪的{\an8}[手机铃声为《起锚歌Anchorsaweigh》]Oh,that'stheCaptain.咦是船长Yes,IcallmyhusbandTheCaptain,没错我称呼我老公为船长butthatistheonlyconcessionImaketohisseafaringways.对他的航海事业我只有这一点点妥协哦Hangon.等会儿哈Ahoy.啊嘿[海上打招呼用词]I'mjustoutwithfriends.我跟朋友们在外面玩呢Friends.Plural.朋友们她居然用复数Like-Liketherewasmorethanoneofme.就跟那当时有好几个我一样Sheliedtoherhusband?Uh-oh.她对她老公撒谎了不妙So,whatdidyoudo?那你怎么做的Uh,Zoey,um,didyoujustsayyouwereoutwithfriends?苏伊你刚是说和"朋友们"在外面吗Yeah.TheCaptain'sonhiswayhomefromMilan.是啊船长正在从米兰回来的路上Hecangetalittlejealoussometimes,他有时会有点吃醋soIdidn'twanttomakehimworry.所以我不想让他担心Isthatokay?有问题吗It'stotallyokay.完全没问题-It'snotokay!-Ididn'treallythinkitwasokay!-问题大了-我也觉得有问题Pur-leez!Youlietoyourhusbandallthetime.胡说你一直都在对你老公撒谎"Uh,uh,thatshirtlooksgreatonyou""那件衬衫穿在你身上真帅""Iloveyourmom""我爱你妈妈""IneverfantasizeaboutBarneywhenwe'redoingit""我跟你做爱的时候从没臆想过巴尼"Soundfamiliar,Pinocchio?这话听起来很耳熟吧木偶匹诺曹[撒谎鼻子会长长]What'swrongwiththisshirt?这件衬衫怎么不好了Lily,ruling.莉莉你来裁决DoIhavetostophangingoutwithZoey?我是不是不该再跟苏伊出去了No,youjustneedtospendtime不你只需要跟他们两口子withherandTheCaptaintogether.一起出去玩玩Ifyou'refriendswiththebothofthem,如果你成为他们俩的朋友thenthere'snotaproblem.那就没问题了Actually,IdohaveastandinginvitationfromTheCaptain说真的船长真的邀请过我togoforaridewiththemonhisboat.乘坐他的船跟他们俩一起出海游玩Great.SogomakenicewithCaptainCreepy,太好了好好跟恐怖船长相处andproblemsolved.问题就解决了Thenextnight,第二天晚上MarshallandRobinwenttodinner,马修和罗宾去吃晚餐justthetwoofthem.只有他们俩Nowhistorically,他们聊到了theyhadthreesolidconversationtopics:三个亘古不变的话题coldweather...寒冷的天气Decemberchill--sogreat.十二月很冷太棒了Totally.没错...sports...体育Didyoucatch你看了thegamelastnight?昨晚的比赛吗Yeah.Nail-biter.看了太激烈了...andcoldweathersports.以及冬季体育-Youknowwhat'sfun?-Mm.-你知道什么最有趣吗-什么Iscoldweathersports.是冬季体育Theyarefun.是很有趣Theyblewthroughthemall他们在开场的十六秒里inthefirst16seconds.就把这三个话题聊了个遍Man,thisisawkward.天啊太尴尬了She'sgivingmenothing!她跟我没话说He'sjuststaringatme!他就这么盯着我She'sjuststaringatme!她就这么盯着我It'smakingmenervous.弄得我很紧张Great,nowmylefteyeistwitching.这下好了我的左眼开始乱跳了Marshall,it'scool.马修没事的Shedoesn'tseeit.她没发现Whatthehell'sgoingonwithhiseye?他的眼睛到底是怎么了AmIsupposedtonottalkaboutthat?我是不是不该过问Great,nowmyrighteyeisdoingit.这下好了我的右眼也跳了CanIgetyoutwosomedrinks?两位需要什么酒水吗-Lotsofdrinks.-Oh,somanydrinks.-迫切需要-越多越好Thatsamenight,BarneyandLilywerestillfighting同样在那晚巴尼和莉莉仍在为某事about,um...something.争执不休Orwasitthatotherthing?或是为别的事-Barney.-Saveit,Lily.-巴尼-省省吧莉莉Iamstillmadatyoufor...我还在生你的气something,andforthatotherthing.因为这件事还有那件事Look,I'msorryIhurtyourfeelings.对不起我让你伤心了Butlet'sbehonest.但老实说You'vebeensupersensitivelately.你最近太敏感了No,Ihaven't!不我没有God,howcanyousaythat?!天啊你怎么能这么说呢Watchout!小心Wait.Theywereonthestreet.等等他们当时是在大街上Watchout!小心Wow.Thanks,Lily.谢谢莉莉Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我们爷俩Look,Iknowyoudidn'tmean我知道无论你说了什么whateveritwasyousaidthatmademesomad.让我生气的话你都不是故意的IthinkIprobablydidn't.我大概不是故意的吧Andjustlikethat,thefightwasover.就这样争吵结束了Youknow,kids,friendshipisfunnysometimes.孩子们友情有时很搞笑Wait.等等Istillcan'tresistgettingonelastshotin.我还是忍不住想最后再说一句LikeIsaid,thefightwasjustgettingstarted.正如我说的争执又一触即发Hi,Captain.嗨船长TheCaptain.船长大人Captain.船长Ahoy,Ted!啊嘿泰德Excellenttoseeyou.见到你太好了Ah,you,too.Uh,where'sZoey?你也是苏伊在哪Well,I'mafraidshe'sfeelingalittleundertheweather.她身体有点不舒服Lookslikeit'sjustyou,me看来就只有我和你andsixhoursinfrigidinternationalwaters.在这冰冷的公海上共度六小时Orwecouldstayondryland,或者我们可以待在陆地上hangoutwithsome...witnesses.跟其他人一起玩比如目击者You'reahoot.你真有意思I'vebeenlookingforwardtothis.我期待今晚Foraverylongtime.已经很久了Well,anchorsaweigh!起锚出发Kids,here'sonethingIdoremember.孩子们有一件事我记得很清楚IwasprettysureIwasgoingtodiethatnight.我十分确信当晚我小命不保Youknow,Ihadthisreallyboringpoetryclassincollege.我在高中的时候上过非常"没劲"的诗歌课Whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa.等等等等Youwerejustthinkingthatthisdinnerisreallyboring.你觉得这顿晚餐很没劲That'swhatmadeyouthinkofyourboringclassincollege.所以让你想起了高中"没劲"的课What?!What?No!No!No,no,no.什么不不不Marshall,no.No.I...马修不是的我...Ijustsawthatboardofspecials,andIthought,我只是看见了"劲减"优惠餐牌我就想youknowwhatsucks?什么才是最逊的呢Beingbored."没劲"WhichIamnot.而我现在恰好不是Sothatclearsthat...rightup.于是我就想起了那节课自然而然Robin,I'manattorney.罗宾我可是律师Fine.Thisnight'salittleawkward.好吧今晚是有点尴尬Iguessit's'causeweneverhangoutalonetogether.我想是因为我们从没单独出来过Whyisthat?这又是为什么It's'causeofTheMermaidTheory.都是美人鱼理论闹的Twoyearsago,IhadjusthiredanewassistantatGNB.两年前我在巨人国家银行雇了一名新助理So,who'stheeyebroccoli?这花菜眼是谁啊Okay,that'sIris,mynewassistant.那是爱瑞斯我的新助理Andyes,she'salittleplain,好吧她是有点普通butI'mmarried,sothat'sgood.但我已经结婚了这挺好的Markmywords,Marshall.记住我的话马修SomedayyouwillfindIrissoexcruciatinglyattractive,有一天你会发现爱瑞斯魅力超凡youwon'tbeabletolookherdirectlyintheboobs.你都无法直视她的双峰Idon'tthinkthat'sgonnabeaproblem.我可不觉得这会是问题Marshall,doyouknowhowthemythofmermaidscametobe?马修你知道美人鱼神话是怎么来的吗I'msorry.Myth?抱歉什么神话Itwas300yearsago.那是在三百年前Sailorsstuckatseawouldgetdesperate在海上航行的船员们对于女性伴侣forfemalecompanionship.饥渴不已Itgotsobadthat,eventually,这种饥渴的程度之深最终themanateesoutinthewaterstartedtolooklike...一只出水的海牛也开始看起来像...beautifulwomen.美女Mermaids.美人鱼Let'sgogetsometail!我们去打点鱼吧Yousee,everywoman,nomatterhowinitiallyrepugnant,每个女人不管最初有多么令人厌恶hasamermaidclock.都有个美人鱼变身倒计时Thetimeittakesforyoutorealizeyouwanttoboneher.过不了多久你会开始想把她扒光Sure,todayyouseeIrisasamanatee.当然今天你认为爱瑞斯就是个海牛Butsheain'tgonnastaythatway.但她不可能一直都是海牛Marshall,yoursecretary'smermaidclockstartsrightnow.马修你秘书的美人鱼变身倒计时现在开始Andittookoneyear,threemonths,and16days,1年3个月零16天都相安无事buteventually...但最终D'oh!别啊Toldyou.我说的吧TheMermaidTheory.美人鱼理论It'sathing.很准的Youoweme500bucks.你欠我500块Didwebetonthis?我们打赌了吗Let'ssayyes.就算是打了吧-Andthat'swhyweneverhangoutalone?-Yes.-因为这个我们从来没单独出来玩过吗-是的AsLily'sbestfriend,youarethelastpersonontheplanet身为莉莉的死党你是最最不应该who'sallowedtoturnintoamermaid.变成美人鱼的人Wait,doesthatmean等等是不是说thatI'mamanateerightnow?我现在就是只海牛Big-timemanatee.绝对是只大海牛Whatwerethosesailorsthinking?那些水手是什么脑子Huh.Idon'tknow.不了解Beingoutatseacandocrazythingstoaman.置身于大海的人都会做出疯狂的举动Vast,thesea.广阔的大海Deep.深邃Endless.无尽Goingaroundformiles.驶出数里Youcouldscreamandscream,andnotasoulwouldhearyou.呼喊尖叫却没有一个人能听见Listentothis.听Help!救命啊Somebodyhelpme!快来人啊I'mtrappedonaboatwithamadman!我跟一个疯子被困在船上了Help!救命See?Nothing.瞧见没什么反应都没He'sgonnakillme.他肯定会杀了我的Okay,calmdown,Teddy.好吧放轻松点泰德He'snotjealous.他没有吃醋Hehasn'tevenmentionedZoey.他都没提过苏伊So,Ted,泰德Inoticedyou'vebeenspendingalotoftimewithZoey.我发现你经常和苏伊一起玩Seriously?Istepawayforfiveseconds,不是吧我才走开一会儿andyoueatallmyonionrings?你就把我的洋葱圈都吃完了Nosurprisethere.我就猜到会这样What'sthatsupposedtomean?你这是什么意思Areyoucallingmefat?你是不是说我胖Ifthereisonethingyouneverdo,有一件绝对不能做的事itiscallawomanfatrighttoherface!那就是当面说一个女人胖Wait.Barney'snotawoman.等等巴尼不是女人That'sright--Barneywasn'thurtbyLily,对了不是莉莉伤了巴尼的心LilywashurtbyBarney.是巴尼伤了莉莉的心Wanttohang?想与我共度夜晚吗Nah.拉倒Watchout!小心Wow...thanks,Barney.谢谢你巴尼Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我们娘俩Ifthere'sonethingyouneverdo,有一件绝对不能做的事it'scallawomanfatrighttoherface!那就是当面说一个女人胖Okay,nowI'montrack.好了现在理顺了Therestofthisstoryshouldmakeperfectsense.剩下的故事应该能对得上号了Oh,Lily,I'msorry.莉莉对不起Hey,youwanttoseeamagictrick?想看变魔术吗You'reajerk.混蛋Okay,thatmakesnosense.好吧又对不上号了Kids,I'mofficiallyadmittingdefeat.孩子们我承认我失败了Iwillneverrememberthisstory.我记不得这个故事了I'msorryforwastingyourtime.抱歉耽误了你们的时间Ted,letmeshowyoumyharpooncollection.泰德给你看我收集的鱼叉Justgonnamakeaquickcall.我先打个电话Hey,sillyquestion.弱弱地问一下Whatareourexactnauticalcoordinates?我们现在的准确船舶坐标是多少Hownow?现在的吗Oh,bother.哦完了she'sagoner.她死定了Bynow,theicytidehasalreadydropped现在冰冷潮水的中心温度itscoretemperaturetonearfreezing.已经接近0度Anddownitgoes.越往下越冷Nowit'sat50meters.现在她掉到50米处Completecrushingblackness.那里有令人窒息的漆黑100meters.100米Thepressureissointense,压力太大thekeysarepoppingrightoutofitshead.按键一个个从前端蹦出来-Head?-200meters.-脑袋-200米Noonewilleverfinditsmangledremains,再也没人能找到它的残骸saveforthecrustacea成为专吃支架尸体的thatfeedoffitslifelesshusk.甲壳类动物的盘中餐Canyouhearmenow?你能听到我说话吗No.Becauseyou'reonthebottomofthesea.不能因为你深陷海底Well,Igotabigmorning,so...我明天还要一大早起床所以-Drycleaners,bank,youknow,so...-Ted,it'stime.-去洗衣店银行所以-泰德是时候了Ihavesomethingforyou.我为你准备了一样东西Waithere.在这等一下Okay,yougottoswimforit,Mosby.好吧你只能游走逃命了莫斯比Manversussea.人海之战Youcandothis.你能行Youdidn'tgeta"GoodEffort"ribbon你之所以没有拿到谢克海茨[美国俄亥俄州]fromtheShakerHeightsJCCSwimCamp犹太人社区中心游泳训练营的"勤奋绸带"becauseyoudon'thavewhatittakes.是因为你没有必须搏命去游的理由Foundit.找到了Zoeytoldmeyou'reascotchdrinker.苏伊跟我说你爱喝苏格兰烈酒Iboughtthisspecialfortonight.我特地为今晚买的AndjustasIstartedtorealizethat就在我放松紧绷的神经maybeIwasn'tindangerafterall,开始觉得没有危险的时候wehitabump.我们的船突然猛烈地一晃Ted?泰德Ok,ok.Soyou'reafraidthat我明白了所以你是担心ifyouspendtoomuchtimealonewithme,跟我单独一起呆久了I'llturnintoamermaid?我会变成美人鱼吗Yes.Imean,sure,rightnow,对我的意思是you'rebaldandleathery当然现在的你秃顶皮厚andcoveredinathicklayerofblubber...裹在一层厚厚的脂肪里AmIblushingor...?你的赞美是不是让我脸红了...butatsomepoint,mystupidmalebrainwill但到某一时刻我白痴的男性大脑会把你transformyouintoafoxyfish-babe变形成一个妖艳的鱼美人singin'"PartofYourWorld"tomypants.对着我的下半身高歌《你世界的一部分》{\an8}[迪士尼经典动画片《小美人鱼》里的插曲]Okay,evenifthathappens,好吧如果发生了isthereanywaytoun-mermaidme?有没有什么办法把我从美人鱼变回来IaskedBarneythesamething.我问了巴尼同样的问题Oncemermaidified,there'sonlyoneway一旦变身美人鱼只有一个办法awomancangobacktobeingunattractiveagain,能让这个女人变得毫无吸引力可言butit'sprettygruesome.但是方法很骇人Death?一命呜呼吗Worse.Pregnancy.更糟糕怀孕Ifababy'sonboardthattrain,女人一旦怀上孩子itisheadedstraightbacktoManateeCity,就搭上了速度驶回海牛城的快车wherethegrassain'tgreenandthegirlsain'tpretty.那里芳草不再萋萋淑女不再窈窕Pregnancy?怀孕Mm-hmm.Onceamermaidgetspregnant,没错美人鱼一旦怀孕shebecomesamanateeagain.就会变回海牛NeverthoughtI'dsaythatsentence.没想过我真会说出这种话Wait!That'sit!慢着我想起来了That'swhatBarneyandLilywerefightingabout!莉莉和巴尼争来吵去的就是这事儿TheMermaidTheory!美人鱼理论Buttheirargumentdidn'thappenatthesametime但是他们的争论和其他事情asallthisotherstuff.发生在不同时间I'mliterallyinthewrongyear!我搞错年份了Ithappenedmuch,muchlaterwhenLilywas...那发生在经年之后彼时莉莉已然pregnant.孕妇一枚Well,Lily,Iguessit'sjustyouandme.那么莉莉貌似只剩下你和我了Youwannahang?想与我共度夜晚吗Nah.拉倒Wheneverwe'realone,每当我们两个独处时youspendthewholetimeundressingmewithyoureyes.你总是无时无刻地用你的眼睛把我扒光Youeventakeoffmyshoes.甚至还脱了我的鞋子Highheelschafemyshoulders.在开搞的时候高跟鞋会擦伤我的肩膀Butyoudon'thavetoworryaboutthatanymore.但是你用不着担心这个Eversinceyougotpregnant,you'rejustabigfatmanatee.自从怀孕后你就成了一只大胖海牛Well,you'reabig那你就是只stupidoctopusface!愚蠢的大脸章鱼Thatwasit!Iremembernow!没错了我想起来了Wow.Thanks,Barney.谢谢巴尼Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我们娘俩Ifthere'sonethingyouneverdo,有一件绝对不能做的事it'scallawoman"fat"righttoherface!那就是当面说一个女人胖I'msorry,Lily.对不起莉莉Hey,youwanttoseeamagictrick?想看个魔术吗You'reajerk.混蛋Hey.Hey,wait.喂喂等等Comeon.Iwaskid...别这样我开玩...Wait,wait,wait!等等别走啊There'sanotheraddendumtoTheMermaidTheory.美人鱼理论还有个补充说明Apregnantwomanwho'sbecomeamanateecanbecome变成海牛的怀孕妇女只需一个简单的小动作amermaidagainthroughonesimpleact.就能变回美人鱼What'sthat?什么动作Breast-feeding.Hot.喂奶巨性感Really?真的吗Really.哥不骗你Whenthosethingsswelluptothreetimestheirnormalsize,当咪咪的浑圆程度变成正常情况的三倍sodoI.我的某个部位也会随之胀大三倍That'ssosweet!说的我心都醉了Seekids?ToldyouI'dgetit!看到了吧孩子们我就说我想起来了嘛Okay.Nowwe'reeven!行了现在我们扯平了Yeah,that'stheendingtoawholeotherstory.没错那是后话We'llgetthere.暂且先不提SoyoureallythoughtIwasgonnakillyou?你真以为我要杀了你吗Well...ish.差不多Oh,Ted,that'sridiculous.泰德这太荒唐了IfIwantedtokillyou,I'dinviteyoutomyhuntinglodge.我要是想杀你就会邀你去我的狩猎小屋It'sfarmoreremote,andIwouldn'thave荒山野岭人烟罕至我也不用担心toworryaboutyouturningupinsomenosyfisherman'snet.你会被渔网捞起来永无后患See?It'sstufflikethat.看就是这种腔调Why-whydoyoutalkthatway?你干嘛非得这样吓人呢Oh,I'mjustjestingforsport.我跟你闹着玩儿呢See,sometimesIdon'tbondaswell你看有时候我跟苏伊的小朋友们withZoey'syoungerfriends.合不大来ButIknowshereallylikesyou.但是我知道她特别喜欢你Iwashopingthatmaybewecouldbebuddies.我一直希望某天或许我们能成为哥们儿Wecan.我们可以Wecanbebuddies.我们能成为哥们儿Justnotonaboat.别在船上就好Fairenough.有道理Thehuntinglodgeitis.那就去狩猎小屋吧Youknow,oncewestoppedtryingtohaveaconversation你知道我们放弃纠结于没话找话andjustfocusedonthedrinking专心喝酒那会儿Ihadfun.我可开心了Yeah.Me,too.没错我也是呢Andthenaterriblethinghappened.接着可怕的事情发生了Marshall'sbeergoggleskickedin马修醉酒上头andhisverydrunkmindstartedtosee在他迷离的眼神里赫然出现了No!No!No!不不不No!No!不不Don'tturn!别变身啊Idon'tfeelsogood.我觉得不太舒服Oh,myGod!Oh,myGod,Iam,Iamsosorry!天啊真是太抱歉了Oh!YoumustthinkI'mtotallydisgusting.你肯定觉得我恶心死了Ireallydo.我是这么觉得Andfromthatmomenton从那一刻起Marshallneverworried马修再也不必担心aboutRobinbecomingamermaidagain,罗宾会再次变成美人鱼了andthetwoofthemwerecloserthanever.从此他们两个亲密无间甚过往常Hey,Ted.你好啊泰德Hey.Youfeelingbetter?你好感觉好些了没Ihaveaconfessiontomake.我要对你坦白Iwasn'treallysick.我那天并没有不舒服Youweren't?你没有吗I'msorry.对不起Iwasjustfeelingguilty只是对船长撒谎thatIliedtoTheCaptainand让我有些愧疚Idon'tknow,Ijustthoughtitwouldbegood我也说不上来我只觉得ifyoutwospentsometimetogether.让你们俩独处一阵子也不错Igetit.我懂了Andyouwereright.你说的没错He'saniceguy.他是个好人Imean,hecanbealittlescary.我是说他有些许吓人Yeah,hegetsalittlemurderywhenhe'snervous.没错他紧张的时候表情像个杀人犯Yeah,he'sacreepydude.对他是个惊悚的怪咖ButIlikehim.但是我喜欢他AndIjustwanttomakesure我只想确认一下youandIhangingout你跟我单独约见doesn't,youknow,crossanylines.不会越过什么界限吧Me,too.我也是Imean,ifeitheroneofushadeventheslightesthint我意思是要是我们中有一个对另外那个offeelingsfortheother,weshouldn'thangout.有哪怕一丝好感我们就不应该呆在一起了Youdon't,doyou?你不会吧会吗No.Doyou?不会啊你呢No.不会Stillnosignofland.还是没有陆地的迹象It'sbeen243dayssincewe'veseen我们已经有整整243天没看见anotherlivingsoul.另外的活物了Whatareyoulookingat?你看什么呢Dude,weneedtofindland.伙计我们得赶紧上岸第12集InDecemberof2010,myfriendsandIdecided2010年12月我和我的朋友们决定togoseeIt'saWonderfulLifeonthebigscreen.去电影院看《生活多美好》这部电影[《It'saWonderfulLife》是1946年法兰克•卡普拉导演的美国励志电影]Itseemedlikesomethingweallneeded.在当时看来我们很需要看这种电影Afterall,ithadbeenacrazycoupleofdays.毕竟这几天下来我们都被折腾得不轻Itallstarted...由一根验孕棒withapregnancytest.引发的反思几天前Thisistakingforever.等得花儿都谢了Areyousureyoudiditright?你确定你都按说明书来做吗Isthereawrongwaytopeeonastick?在根棒子上尿尿还需要什么说明书Hey,canIaskyouaquestionthat'splaguedmeforyears?我能问个困扰我多年的问题吗Cangirlsaim?女孩嘘嘘能瞄准吗Um,canboysaim?那男人能瞄准吗'CauseitseemstomelikeI'mtakingamop因为姐貌似隔天就要拿个拖把tothatbathroomflooreverytwodays.去卫生间给你打扫战场Okay,you'retheonewhoputtheFarSidecalendarupoverthetoilet.那是你把"发笑日历"挂到马桶旁边YouknowIlaughwithmywholebody.你知道我一笑而动全身的It'sbeentwominutes.两分钟到了One,two,three.一二三-It'spositive.-It'spositive?It'spositive?-两条杠-两条杠真的两条杠吗-It'spositive.-It'spositive?-是两条杠-真是两条杠It'spositive!两条杠啊It'spositive!杠杠滴两条杠I'mpregnant.我怀孕了What?!什么I'veneverseenthatwomanbeforeinmylife!我从来没见过这女的Sorry.Forceofhabit.Congratulations!抱歉条件反射恭喜恭喜ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和马修ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和马修Well,thankyou.谢谢你们Imean,we'veneverbeenhappier.我是说我们从来没有这么开心过Can'timagineanythingbringingmedownrightnow.我想现在没什么能打击到我了You'renotpregnant.你没怀孕Well,thatdidit.正中红心Kids,thisisthestoryofthe36hours孩子们接下来的36个小时里weallthoughtLilywaspregnant,我们都以为莉莉怀孕了andhowitcausedeachofustoreexamineourownlives.这件事让我们重新审视了自己的人生Becausewhilethiswashappening...因为这件事发生的时候Areyousureyoudiditright?你确定你都按说明书来做吗...IwasonthephonewithPunchy,我正在跟小粉拳通电话mybestfriendfromhighschool,他是我高中时代的好友whohadrecentlyaskedmetobehisbestman.他刚邀请我做他的伴郎Hey,Punchy,I'vegiventhissomeseriousthought.你看小粉拳我仔细想过了IthinkIknowhowwecancrushthese我想我知道咱怎么解决floralarrangements.这些摆花的事了Ah,hereitcomes.Hitmeup,Schmos!来吧畅所欲言吧尿斯比Peonies,lavenderblossomswithahaloofbaby'sbreath牡丹花配薰衣草上面再覆上一层满天星foranambianceofspringtimerejuvenation.营造出一种万物回春的气氛Crushedit!?赞吧That'sexactlytheaccentofwhimsythiscelebrationofloveneeds!这种古怪的特色正好符合欢庆爱情It'sgonnabeamagicalday.那天一定会很美的Iknowwhatyou'rethinking.我知道你在想什么IwishIwasadude.真希望我是个爷们儿Idowishyouwereadude.我还真希望你是个纯爷们儿BecauseifIwasadude,因为如果我是个爷们儿IcouldhaveTedMosbyasmybestman.我就能让泰德•莫斯比当我伴郎了No,andhere'swhy.错了我来告诉你原因吧Ted,thebestman'sjob泰德伴郎的职责isnottocrushthefloralarrangements.不是安排摆什么花It'stogetthegroomdowntheaisle,而是保证伴郎顺利走过教堂过道because,nomatterwhoheis,hewillfreakout.因为不管他是谁他都会突然崩溃AndIjustdon'tthinkyouhavewhatittakes而我觉得你没那个本事togetthatgetthatsoldiertopickuphisrifle让那个大兵扛起枪andchargeupthehill.冲上那个山头Uh,areyouforgettingI'vedonethisbefore?你难道忘了哥搞定过一次吗IwasMarshall'sbestman.我当过马修的伴郎Andhowdidthatgoagain?那天出现了什么情况来着Oforone.0和1颠倒了Oh,comeon.Thatwasn'tmyfault.拜托那错不在我好不好AndneedIremindyou,Igaveabeautifultoast.而且提醒你下我的致辞可是美得不行呢Ted.泰德O,doyoutakeonetobeyourlawfullyweddedwife?0你愿意取1为你的合法妻子吗Oh,God,I'mfreakingout.天啊我要崩溃了WhydidIchoseTedtobemybestman?我为毛要让泰德那倒霉货当伴郎啊Uh,yeah.It'shardtotakecriticism被你这种连着看七集fromsomeonewhojustrecordedsevenepisodes《抛硬币赢百万》的人批评ofMillionDollarHeadsorTails.真让人接受不了Kids,MillionDollarHeadsorTails孩子们《抛硬币赢百万》wasanextremelypopularshow是当时的一档超人气节目withanextremelysimplepremise.其内容却十分脑残Allright,yourpracticeflipcameup好了刚试抛的结果是tails...反面butourVegasoddsmakertellsus但我们赌城庄家说过thatthenexttossisstilljust50-50.下一掷的正反比率仍旧各占一半Andso,Jordan,那么乔丹foronemilliondollars...为了一百万美元...heads...ortails?要正面还是反面Whatwastheyearofthecoinagain?年度硬币是什么WhythissuddenobsessionwithHeadsorTails?你为什么突然迷上《抛硬币赢百万》Well,itturnsout这个嘛是这样的thatHeadsorTailshasajobopening.这个栏目组现在公开招人呢Ta...Heads.反...正面Marni,flipthatcoin.玛妮抛硬币Ooh!Damn!靠妈的Sonow,becauseofthatincident,所以现在因为那次事故HeadsorTailsislooking《抛硬币》要招一个foranewCurrencyRotationSpecialist.新的硬币流转专职员YoumeanCoinFlipBimbo?你是说掷硬币的花瓶吗They'renotbimbos!才不是花瓶呢Youauditioned,didn'tyou?你去试镜了对吗Andyou'reCanadian?!你还是加拿大人Robin,asidefromthatcoin,罗宾不提那硬币thisistheotherthingthat'sflippingrightnow.现在还有另外一样东西在翻滚Whatismylidforyou.你的美貌太闪耀让我一直忍不住眨眼You'rethenewCoinFlipBimbo?你成了新任抛硬币花瓶了CurrencyRotationSpecialist.是硬币流转专职员Robin,youbettercheckyourself罗宾做事之前好好想一想beforeyouTrebekyourself.到底要不要这么作贱自己You'reajournalist!你可是个新闻记者Whatisthematterwithyou?你到底哪根筋不对了Well,it'sanationalaudience!这个节目可是在全国范围内播放Igettowearshinydresses!我还能穿着美美的礼服上镜Robin,罗宾haveyouforgottenaboutyourNewYear'sresolution?忘了你的新年愿望了吗2010年1月1日Iamneverdrinkingagain.我以后再也不喝酒了No,beforethat.不是在那之前Iamgonnafinishthiswholebottletonight.我今晚要干掉这一瓶2009年12月31日Beforethat,too.也在那之前Imovedhere我搬来这里toworkforabig-timecablenewschannel是为了进一家一流的有线新闻台likeWorldWideNews.就像《环球新闻》那样Well,bythistimenextyear,Iwillbewearing所以明年的这个时候我一定要aWorldWideNewsI.D.badgearoundmyneck.挂上《环球新闻》的工作证AndtoshowyouthatI'mserious,为了向你表明我的决心thisismyfirstandonlydrinkofthenight.今晚我就只喝这一杯-Okay.-Okay?-好-好吧Oh,damn,that'ssmooth.我靠好酒IthoughtyoufinallygotthatinterviewatWorldWideNews.我以为你终于如愿到《环球新闻》面试了Well,Idid,buttheyonlyofferedmeaboring,是没错啦但他们只安排我干一个low-paid,off-cameraresearchjob.无趣又钱少还不能露脸的研究工作Whichcouldbeasteppingstonetobiggerthingsinyourcareer.这或许会成为你今后辉煌事业的基石Well,socouldHeadsorTails.《抛硬币》说不定也行ThefirstCurrencyRotationSpecialistwenton第一位硬币流转专职员入围了tobeasemi-finalistonTheBachelor,andthen,《单身汉》杂志的半决赛紧接着shelost,like,ahundredpoundsonTheBiggestLoser,她参加《减肥达人》减了一百磅的体重andnowshe'stotallywinningCelebrityRehab.现在她完全成了名人了ItseemedliketherewasnochangingRobin'smind.看起来罗宾的主意已定Butwhatwedidn'tknow,inthatmoment,但当时我们并不知道就在那一刻wasthatourworldwasabouttobeturnedupsidedown.我们的世界即将发生天翻地覆的变化I'mpregnant.我怀孕了What?!什么Now,kids,whenyourfriendshavegreatnews,孩子们当朋友们的喜讯传来you'rehappyforthem...for,like,amillisecond.你会为他们高兴大概一毫秒的时间Andthenyoustartthinkingaboutyourself.然后你就会想到自己Oh,myGod!我的天啊They'rereallyhavingababy.他们真的要有孩子了WhatamIdoingwithmylife?我的人生该怎么办StartingMonday,I'maCurrencyRotationSpe--周一起我就是硬币翻转专职员了Oh,whoamIkidding?哦别开玩笑了I'maCoinFlipBimbo,andI'mstillsingle.我就是个掷硬币的花瓶而我还是单身Okay,let'snotgothere,Scherbatsky.好吧咱不去那儿了施巴斯基That'sawholeotherthing.这完全违背理想I'vegottotakethatWorldWideNewsjob.我要接下《环球新闻》的工作Andso,thenextnight,wehadtwothingstocelebrate.就这样第二天晚上我们有两件事要庆祝Well,youarelookingatthenew你们现在看到的是associateresearcheratWorldWideNews.《环球新闻》新的助理研究员Oh,mygosh.That'samazingnews.我的天这消息太棒了Whatchangedyourmind?是什么让你改主意了MarshallandLily.马修和莉莉Ijustrealizedthat我才意识到Iamabouttohavealittleniecewholooksuptome.我就要有一个会崇拜我的小侄女了AndIdon'twanttobesadAuntRobin,我不想成为悲催的罗宾阿姨theagingCoinFlipBimbo成为掷硬币的老花瓶whogivesherthecreeps.只会教她谄媚奉承IwanttobecoolAuntRobin,我想成为酷酷的罗宾阿姨therespectedjournalist...成为受人尊敬的记者whogivesherbeer.给她买啤酒喝-What?-What?Oh.-什么-没什么Ihaveneverseenyouguyslookingsoatpeace.我从未看过你们俩如此气定神闲ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和马修ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和马修Well,thankyou.谢谢你们Imean,we'veneverbeenhappier.我们从没这么开心过SothenextdayRobincalled第二天罗宾打电话给HeadsorTailstorespectfullydecline.《抛硬币赢百万》节目组礼貌地拒绝邀请Hi,Mr.Trebek.ThisisRobinScherbatsky.嗨崔贝克先生我是罗宾•施巴斯基Butatthatmoment...但就在那一刻You'renotpregnant.你没有怀孕AshonoredasIambytheoffer,um...能收到邀请我十分有幸[警报解除没有怀孕]Oh,myGod.我的天They'renothavingababy.他们没怀上WhatamIgettingallupinmyheadabout?我脑子里都在想什么Thatresearchjobsoundshard.那份研究的工作听起来难度大AndI'mpretty.而且我人这么漂亮I'mreally,reallypretty.沉鱼落雁闭月羞花Youarelooking你眼前站着的是atthenewCoinFlipBimbo.新任硬币小姐-YoutooktheHeadsorTailsjob?-Yeah.-你接了《抛硬币》的工作-是的WhataboutWorldWideNews,yourI.D.badge?那《环球新闻》呢你的工作证呢YoumadeaNew