读后续写：母亲节的惊喜讲义-2023届高考英语作文备考

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成

一篇完整的短文。

AMOTHER'SDAYSURPRISE

Thetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthe

surprisetheywereplanningforMother'sDay.Howpleasedand

proudMotherwouldbewhentheybroughtherbreakfastinbed.

TheyplannedtomakeFrenchtoastandchickenporridge.Theyhad

watchedtheirmotherinthekitchen.Therewasnothingtoit.Jenna

andJeffknewexactlywhattodo.

Thebigdaycameatlast.Thealarmrangat6a.m.Thepairwent

downthestairsquietlytothekitchen.Theydecidedtoboilthe

porridgefirst.Theyputsomericeintoapotofwaterandleftitto

boilwhiletheymadetheFrenchtoast.Jeffbroketwoeggsintoa

plateandaddedinsomemilk.Jennafoundthebreadandputtwo

slicesintotheeggmixture.Next,Jeffturnedonthesecondstove

burnertoheatupthefryingpan.Everythingwasgoingsmoothly

untilJeffstartedfryingthebread.Thepanwastoohotandthebread

turnedblackwithinseconds.Jennathrewtheburntpieceintothe

sinkandputintheothersliceofbread.Thistime,sheturneddown

thefiresoitcookednicely.

ThenJeffnoticedsteamshootingoutofthepotandthelidstarting

toshake.Thenextminute,theporridgeboiledoverandputoutthe

fire.Jennapanicked.Thankfully,Jeffstayedcalmandturnedoffthe

gasquickly.Butthestovewasamessnow.JennatoldJefftocleanit

upsotheycouldcontinuetocooktherestoftheporridge.ButJeffs

handtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain.Jennamade

himputhishandincoldwater.Thenshecaughtthesmellofburning.

Ohdear!Thepieceofbreadinthepanhadturnedblackaswell.

・续写评分标准研读：

第五档21—25

1.与所给短文融洽度高,与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理。

2.内容丰富切题。

3.所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确，可能有些许错误但完全不

影响意义表达。

4.有效地使用了语句间的连接成分使所续写短文结构紧凑

第四档16—20

1.与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接较为合理。

2.内容比较丰富,应用了5个以上短文中标出的关键词语，

3.所使用语法结构和词汇较为丰富、准确，可能有些许错误,但不影

响意义表达

4.比较有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑

・通过对评分标准的解读，高分续写总结如下：

1.内容切题（【读】

2.语言高级【写】

3.逻辑连贯【写】

・那么多，我咋读？掐首尾.找人事！

AMOTHER'SDAYSURPRISE

①Thetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthe

surprisetheywereplanningforMother'sDay.Howpleasedand

proudMotherwouldbewhentheybroughtherbreakfastinbed.

TheyplannedtomakeFrenchtoastandchickenporridge（粥）.They

hadwatchedtheirmotherinthekitchen.Therewasnothingtoit.

JennaandJeffknewexactlywhattodo.

想到母亲节的惊喜，双胞胎很兴奋。

他们计划把早餐送到妈妈床上。

他们打算做法国吐司和鸡肉粥。

③ThenJeffnoticedsteamshootingoutofthepotandthelid（盖

子）startingtoshake.Thenextminute,theporridgeboiledoverand

putoutthefire.Jennapanicked.Thankfully,Jeffstayedcalmand

turnedoffthegasquickly.Butthestovewasamessnow...Thenshe

caughtthesmellofburning.Ohdear!Thepieceofbreadinthepan

hadturnedblackaswell.

然后Jeff注意到..…接着粥...把火浇灭了。Jenna惊慌失

措.Jeff保持冷静，关了煤气，但是炉子一团槽。然后她闻到了烧焦

的味道，面包变黑了。

・故事我咋编？编转折，加升华！

Para.1:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,

theirfatherappeared.双胞胎失望地看着周围，他们的爸爸来了。

1.衔接上文:看着厨房里的一切，爸爸非常惊讶。

2.转折:Jeff告诉爸爸计划，爸爸笑了,决定帮我们。

3.衔接下文:我们清理了厨房，重新做好了早餐。

Para.2:Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheir

motherup.双胞胎带着早餐上楼，叫醒了妈妈。

1.衔接上文:孩子们说:母亲节快乐，妈妈看到早餐，感动流泪。

2.妈妈品尝早餐,夸赞并拥抱孩子们。

3.升华:房间里充满爱,多么美好的惊喜啊！

・150字，我咋凑？亮眼词+美颜句！

Para.l:Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,their

fatherappeared.双胞胎失望地看着周围，他们的爸爸来了。

1.衔接上文:看到厨房里的一切，爸爸非常惊讶。

备词：

看至I」：see

厨房：kitchen

一切：everything

非常惊讶：verysurprised

成句：

基石出版：(see)everythinginthekitchen,

Seeing;Dadwasverysurprised

亮眼词：杂乱

亮眼词:惊讶_____________

mess;astonished

白银版：themessinthekitchen,.

Seeing;

dadwasquiteastonished

美颜句①：惊讶地盯着某人stareatsbinastonishment

黄金版：themessinthekitchen,.

Seeing;dadstaredatthekidsinastonishment

构思：越具体，越高级！

【尾段】

Thenextminute,theporridgeboiledoverandputoutthefire;the

stovewasamessnow...;Thenshecaughtthesmellofburning;The

pieceofbreadinthepanhadturnedblack.

钻石版：Seeinginthekitchen,dadstaredat

thekidsinastonishment.

theburnt（烤焦的）breadandthespilled（洒了的）porridge

2.转折:Jeff告诉爸爸计划，爸爸笑了，

决定帮我们。

备词：告诉：tellsbsth计划：plan决定帮助：decideto

help微笑：smile

成句：

基础版:WhenJeff,

dad.

亮眼词：结巴地说

亮眼词：不假思索

stammeroutsth;withoutasecondthought

白银版：WhenJefftheir

plan,dadsmiled.,daddecidedtohelpthem.

美颜句：脸上闪过一丝微笑

黄金版：WhenJefftheirsecretplan,asmileof

understandingdad'sface.,daddecidedto_____.

3.衔接下文:我们清理了厨房，重新做好了早餐。

备词：清理：clean/cleanup

做早餐：makebreakfast

重新：again

成句：

基础版：Wecleanedupthekitchen,madebreakfastformom

again.

构思：越具体，越高级！

孩子和爸爸分头行动：孩子们清理了厨房的杂乱，同时爸爸在做三

明治和煮粥。

白银版：Thekidscleanedupthemessykitchendad

wascookingasandwichandsomeporridge.

亮眼词：同时

亮眼词：忙于做

黄金版：Thekidscleanedupthemessykitchen.Dad,,

cookingadelicioussandwichandsomeporridge.

构思：越连贯，越高级！

钻石版：Thekidscleanedupthemessykitchen.Dad,,

cookingadelicioussandwichandsome

porridge.Soon,thedelicioussmellofbreakfastthekitchen.

Anddadaskedthekidstotheirplan.

Para.2:Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheir

motherup.

双胞胎带着早餐上楼，叫醒了妈妈。

1.衔接上文:孩子们说:母亲节快乐，妈妈看到早餐，感动流泪。

备词：母亲节：Mother'sDay

感动到流泪：bemovedtotears

成句：

基础版：Theysaid.Whenmomsawthebreakfast,

she_______

美颜句：眼睛睁大_________________

美颜句：喜悦地眨眼

白银版：Theysaid"HappyMother'sDay!Abigsurprisefor

you!"Whenmomsawthebreakfast,.

亮眼词：喊

美颜句：当看到.・・那一刻

黄金版：They"HappyMother'sDay!Abigsurprisefor

you!".momsawthebreakfast,her.

yelled;themoment;eyeswidenedupandtwinkledwithjoy

美颜句：每个毛孔都在兴奋着

钻石版：They"HappyMother'sDay!Abigsurprisefor

you!".momsawthe

breakfast,.

2.妈妈品尝早餐,夸赞并拥抱孩子们。

备词：品尝：taste夸赞：praise

拥抱：hugsb./givesbahug

成句：

基础版：She____thebreakfast,thekidsand.

美颜句：是曾经...•过的最好的Itwasthebest..sbhadeverdone

练1:是我曾经遇到过的最好的人

练2:是我曾经收到过的最好的礼物

白银版：Shethebreakfastand,saying

that.

亮眼词：拥抱_____________

亮眼词：小天使

黄金版：Shetheperfectsandwichaswellasthe

porridge,sayingthat.

Andthenshe.

3.升华:房间里充满爱,多么美好的惊喜啊！

备词：房间：room

充满：fill

爱：love

美好的惊喜：abeautifulsurprise

成句：

基础版:Aoflovetheroom.Itisabeautifulsurprise.

白银版:Aoflove_____thewholeroom.____________.

美颜句：爱一直代代相传

黄金版:Aoflovethewhole

room.!Momanddadwassodelightedto

find.

・考考你：

Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfather

appeared.inthekitchen,dadthe

kids.When

Jefftheirsecretplan,asmile

ofunderstandingdad'sface.,

daddecidedto.Thekidsclearedupthemessykitchen.

Dad,，wasbusycookingadelicioussandwichandsome

porridge.Soon,thedelicioussmellofbreakfastthe

kitchen.Anddadaskedthekidstotheirplan.（78字）

Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmother

““.They"HappyMother'sDay!Abigsurpriseforyou!"

.momsawthebreakfast,.

Shetheperfectsandwichaswellasthe

porridge,sayingthat.Andthen

she.

Aoflovethewholeroom.!

Momanddadwassodelightedtofind

・思维拓展

A

Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,their

fatherappeared.,theirfather,as

if.Butsoonherealizedtheirintention.,he

joinedthetwinsinpreparingtheMother'sDaysurprise.Thoughhehad

neverbeenseencooking,actually,hewasexpertindoingso.The

twinstheirfatherwiththebreakfast,anditwasa

pleasuretowiththeirfather.,theycouldsmell

howgoodthedisheswere.

Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.

Theysaid"HappyMother'sDay",withexcitement.Their

fatherlaughedandtoldherthetwinshadpreparedbreakfast

forher.Thenthetwinswhisperedtoherthattheylovedhersomuchand

theywereeagertoseehersmileevery

day.,herfaceandhisbright

smiletheroom.Atthatmoment,theyallsensedhow

beautifulsomethinglivingcouldbe