分析教案讲稿running for governor by mark twain

AfewmonthsagoIwasnominatedforernorofthegreatstateofNewYork,torunagainstMr.JohnT.SmithandMr.BlankJ.Blankonanindependentticket.IsomehowfeltthatIhadoneprominentadvantageoverthesegentlemen,andthatwas--goodcharacter.Itwaseasytoseebythenewspapersthatifevertheyhadknownwhatitwastobearagoodname,thattimehadgoneby.Itwasinthatintheselatteryearstheyhad efamiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes.ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyinginitinsecret,therewasamuddyundercurrentof fort"riling"thedeepsofmyhappiness,andthatwas--thehavingtohearmynamebandiedaboutinfamiliarconnectionwiththoseofsuchpeople.Igrewmoreandmoredisturbed.FinallyIwrotemygrandmotheraboutit.Heranswercamequickandsharp.SheYouhaveneverdoneonesinglethinginallyourlifetobeashamedof--notone.Lookatthenewspapers--lookatthemandcomprehendwhatsortofcharactersMessrs.SmithandBlankare,andthenseeifyouarewillingtoloweryourselftotheirlevelandenterapubliccanvasswiththem.Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinglemomentthatnight.But,afterall,IcouldnotIwasfullycommitted,andmustgoonwiththefight.AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph,andImaytrulysayIneverwassoconfoundedbefore.PERJURY.--Perhaps,nowthatMr.MarkTwainisbeforethepeopleasacandidateforernor,hewillcondescendtoexinhowhecametobeconvictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak,Cochin,in1863,theintentofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerntain-patch,theironlystayandsupportintheirbereavementanddesolation.Mr.Twainowesittohimself,aswellastothegreatpeoplewhosesuffragesheasks,toclearthismatterup.Willhedoit?IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel,heartlesscharge!IneverhadseenCochin!IneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknowantain-patchfroma!Ididnotknowwhattodo.Iwascrazedandhelpless.Iletthedayslipawaywithoutnganythingatall.Thenextmorningthesamepaperhadthis--nothingmore:SIGNIFICANT.--Mr.Twain,itwillbeobserved,issuggestivelysilentabouttheCochin[Mem.--Duringtherestofthenthispaperneverreferredtomeinanyotherwaythanas"theinfamousperjurerTwain."]NextcametheGazette,withfellow-citizens(whoaresufferingtovoteforhim!)thelittlecircumstanceofhiscabin-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime,untilatlast,thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr.Twain'sorinhis"trunk"(newspaperherolledhistrapsin),theyfeltcompelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood,andsotarredandfeatheredhim,androdehimonarail;andthenadvisedhimtoleaveapermanentvacuumintheceheusuallyoccupiedinthecamp.Willhedothis?Couldanythingbemoredeliberaymaliciousthanthat?ForIneverwasinMontanain[Afterthis,thisjournalcustomarilyspokeofmeas,"Twain,theMontanaIgottopickinguppapersapprehensively--muchasonewouldliftadesiredblanketwhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattlesnakeunderit.Onedaythismetmyeye:THELIENAILED.--BytheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO'Flanagan,Esq.,oftheFivePoints,andMr.SnubRaffertyandMr.CattyMulligan,ofWaterStreet,itisestablishedthatMr.MarkTwain'svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofournoblestandard-bearer,BlankJ.Blank,washangedforhighwayrobbery,isabrutalandgratuitousLIE,withoutashadowoffoundationinfact.Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeansresortedtotoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattackingofthedeadintheirgraves,anddefilingtheirhonorednameswithslander.Whenwethinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheinnocentrelativesandfriendsofthedeceased,wearealmostdriventoinciteanoutragedandinsultedpublictosummaryandunlawfulvengeanceuponthetraducer.Butno!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedconscience(thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepublic,andinitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury,itisbuttooobviousthatnojurycouldconvictandnocourtpunishtheperpetratorsofthedeed).Theingeniousclosingsentencehadtheeffectofmovingmeoutofbedwithdespatchthatnight,andoutatthebackdooralso,whilethe"outragedandinsultedpublic"surgedinthefrontway,breakingfurnitureandwindowsintheirrighteousindignationastheycame,andtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldcarrywhentheywent.AndyetIcanlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr.Blank'sgrandfather.More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate.[Iwillstate,inpassing,thatthejournalabovequotedfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain,theBody-Snatcher."]ThenextnewspaperarticlethatattractedmyattentionwastheASWEETCANDIDATE.--Mr.MarkTwain,whowastomakesuchablightingspeechatthemass-meetingoftheIndependentslastnight,didn'tcometotime!Aegramfromhisphysicianstatedthathehadbeenknockeddownbyarunawayteam,andhislegbrokenintwoces--suffererlyingingreatagony,andsoforth,andsoforth,andalotmoreboshofthesamesort.AndtheIndependentstriedhardtoswallowthewretchedsubterfuge,andpretendthattheydidnotknowwhatwastherealreasonoftheabsenceoftheabandonedcreaturewhomtheydenominatetheirstandard-bearer.AcertainmanwasseentoreelintoMr.Twain'sholastnightinastateofbeastlyintoxication.ItistheimperativedutyoftheIndependentstoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself.Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmitsofnoshirking.Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsinthundertones,"WHOWASTHATMAN?"Itwasincredible,absoluyincredible,foramoment,thatitwasreallymynamethatwascoupledwiththisdisgracefulsuspicion.ThreelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsinceIhadtastedale,beer,wineorliquororanykind.[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingonmewhenIsaythatIsawmyself,confidentlydubbed"Mr.DeliriumTremensTwain"inthenextissueofthatjournalwithoutapang--notwithstandingIknewthatwithmonotonousfidelitythepaperwouldgooncallingmesototheveryend.]Bythistimeanonymouslettersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter.ThisformwascommonHowaboutthatoldwomanyoukikedofyourpremiseswhichwasbeging.POL.PRY.AndThereisthingswhichyouHavedonewhichisunbeknowenstoanybodybutme.Youbettertrotoutafewdots,toyourstruly,oryou'llhearthroughthepapersfromHANDYANDY.Thisisabouttheidea.Icouldcontinuethemtillthereaderwassurfeited,ifShortlytheprincipalRepublicanjournal"convicted"meofwholesalebribery,andtheleadingDemocraticpaper"nailed"anaggravatedcaseofblackmailingtome.[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditionalnames:"TwaintheFilthyCorruptionist"and"TwaintheLoathsomeEmbracer."]Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan"answer"toallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmypartysaiditwouldbepoliticalruinformetoremainsilentanylonger.Asiftomaketheirappealthemoreimperative,thefollowingappearedinoneofthepaperstheverynextBEHOLDTHEMAN!--Theindependentcandidatestillmaintainssilence.Becausehedarenotspeak.Everyaccusationagainsthimhasbeenamplyproved,andtheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowneloquentsilence,tillatthisdayhestandsforeverconvicted.Lookuponyourcandidate,Independents!LookupontheInfamousPerjurer!theMontanaThief!theBody-Snatcher!ContemteyourincarnateDeliriumTremens!yourFilthyCorruptionist!yourLoathsomeEmbracer!Gazeuponhim--ponderhimwell--andthensayifyoucangiveyourhonestvotestoacreaturewhohasearnedthisdismalarrayoftitlesbyhishideouscrimes,anddaresnotopenhismouthindenialofanyoneofthem!Therewasnopossiblewayofgettingoutofit,andso,indeephumiliation,Isetaboutpreparingto"answer"amassofbaselesschargesandmeanandwickedfalsehoods.ButIneverfinishedthetask,fortheverynextmorningapapercameoutwithanewhorror,afreshmalignity,andseriouslychargedmewithburningalunaticasylumwithallitsinmates,becauseitobstructedtheviewfrommyhouse.Thisthrewmeintoasortofpanic.Thencamethechargeofpoisoningmyuncletogethisproperty,withanimperativedemandthatthegraveshouldbeopened.Thisdrovemetothevergeo