大学写作课课件-Chapter3-Effective-Sentences

WritingEffectiveSentencesCoordinationandSubordination

Using3WaysofCoordinationUsingSubordinationQualitiesofGoodSentences1Unity2Coherence3Conciseness4Emphasis5VarietyI.CoordinationandSubordination

RevisionSimplesentence=oneindependentclauseCompoundsentenceisthecombiningof

twoindependentclausesofequalimportancejoinedbycoordination.Complexsentenceisthecombiningoftwoindependentclausescontainingideasthatarenotequallyimportant.

Moreimportantidea(Independentclause)Lessimportantidea(dependentclause)Connectingwords:subordinatingconjunctionsrelativepronouns

I)CoordinationPropercoordinationcaneliminatechoppysentencestructureandrevealsthepreciserelationshipbetweensimilarideas.E.g.Choppy:TherearenoclassesheldonSaturday.Theschoollibraryisopenuntil5:00p.m.forstudents’convenience. Coordination:TherearenoclassesheldonSaturday,buttheschoollibraryisopenuntil5:00p.m.forstudents’convenience.3WaysofCoordination

1stMethod:Useacomma+acoordinatingconjunction2ndMethod:Useasemicolon+anadverbialconjunction+comma3rdMethod:Useonlyasemicolon1stMethodtoformacompoundsentence:

Useacomma+acoordinatingconjunctionThespeakerrosetohisfeet,andtheroombecamequiet.Hiswordswereelectric,sothecrowdwasattentive.(coordinatingconjunctions:and,but,so,nor,or,for,yet,etc.)2ndMethodtoformacompoundsentenceUseasemicolon+anadverbialconjunction+commaHewaslate,andhehadthewrongdocuments.(IC)(IC)Hewaslate;furthermore,hehadthewrongdocuments.(adverbialconjunctions:inaddition,besides,moreover,likewise,similarly,instead,otherwise,however,indeed,infact,hence,therefore,thus,etc.)3rdMethodofCoordinationIndependentclause+;

+IndependentclauseHearrivedatten;heleftatmidnight.Theassistantwrotethespeech;

themanagerdelivereditatthenationalmeeting.(Usethismethodifthegrammaticalstructureofeachindependentclauseissimilaroriftheideasofeachindependentclauseareverycloselyrelated.)II)Subordination

Asentencewithsubordinationcontainsonedominantideathatismodifiedbygrammaticallysubordinatewords,phrasesandclauses.Twoparts-----itcontainsonly1majoridea.e.g.Becausehewastired,hewenthome.

moreimportant▲Therefore“hewastired“issubordinatedtothemainclause“hewenthome““because”isasubordinator.Subordinationhelpsawritertoavoidbuildingaseriesofchoppy,look-alikesentencesthathavethesimilargrammaticalstructure.Faulty:Ouruniversityisfamousforitsmedicalschool.IthasrecentlyaddedanewschoolofInternationalRelations.Subordinated:Ouruniversity,whichisfamousforitsmedicalschool,hasrecentlyaddedanewschoolofInternationalRelationsPutthemainideainthemain/independentclause,andthelesserorsubordinateideainthesubordinateordependantclause.Thechoiceofcoordinationorsubordinationismainlydecidedbytherelationshipbetweentheideastobeexpressed.EX.Combinethefollowingpairsofsentences.TherichmanwenttochurcheverySunday.Heneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.TherichmanwenttochurcheverySunday,andheneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.TherichmanwenttochurcheverySunday,butheneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood.AlthoughtherichmanwenttochurcheverySunday,heneverdonatedacentforthebenefitofhisneighborhood

Ex.Howtomakethisgroupofshortsentencesmoreimpressive?

Iwokeupat6:30.IthoughtIwaslate.Iwashedquickly.ThenIwentintothekitchen.Ifoundsomethingtoeat.Ifinishedeatinginafewminutes.Itookmybikeandhurriedout.Irodeveryfastalongthestreets.SoonIwasattheschoolgate.Butitwasclosed.ThenIrealizedthatitwasSaturday.Newversion

Itwasalready6:30

whenIwokeup.ThinkingthatIwouldbelateforschool,Iwashedandatesomethinginahurry,gotonmybikeandsetourforschool.OnthestreetsIrodeasfastasIcould,andinnotimeIwasattheschoolgate,onlytofinditclosed.ThenIrememberedthatitwasSaturday.II.EffectiveSentencesAneffectivesentenceislikeaskilledathletemovingtowardagoal.

QualitiesofEffectiveSentences

1Unity2Coherence3Conciseness4Emphasis5Variety6AoidChinglishUnity（统一性）

There'sonlyonemainideainasentenceTheideaiscomplete.E.g.BorninSichuan,helaterbecameafamouswriter.

DreamoftheRedMansionsisoneofthebest-knownnovels.Unrelated:Wepaidaportertwodollarsfortakingourluggagetoourroom,andthehotellobbywasveryelegant.Related:Wepaidaportertwodollarsfortakingourluggagetoourrooms.Wefoundthatthehotellobbywasveryelegant.Bringintoasentenceonlyrelatedthoughtsandputunrelatedthoughtsinanothersentenceorsentences.

Unrelated:

Iwasnervous,andIcombedmyhairadozentimesandIlookedinthemirroroverandoveragaintomakesuremyfalseeyelasheshadn’tcomeunglued.Related:

Iwasnervousbeforemyfirstdate.IcombedmyhairadozentimesandIlookedinthemirroroverandoveragaintomakesuremyfalseeyelasheshadn’tcomeunglued.Ex.Improvethefollowing.Extracurricularactivitiesmeanwhatapersondoesinhissparetimeandareveryimportantforuniversitystudents.(unrelated)2.Hehadwonseveralprizesinthecompetition,andwedon’tlikethewayhetreatedotherpeople.(unrelated)3.Anexampleofdiscriminationisacafeowner,especiallyafterhehasrefusedtoserveforeigners.

(incomplete)2.Coherence

(连贯性）Coherencemeansclearandcorrectarrangementofthepartsofasentence.Asentenceiscoherentwhenthewordsareproperlyconnectedandtheirrelationshipisclear.Toachievecoherence,wecanresorttoparallelismandsubordinationandkeepconsistencyinvoice,moodandperson.一道题目要求把以下四句话用关联词连接：1、张海迪姐姐瘫痪了；2、张海迪姐姐顽强地学习；3、张海迪姐姐学会了多门外语；4、张海迪姐姐学会了针灸。正确答案应该是："张海迪姐姐虽然瘫痪了，但顽强地学习，不仅学会了多门外语，而且还学会了针灸。结果有一个孩子写：虽然张海迪姐姐顽强地学会了针灸和多门外语，可她还是瘫痪了。一个更猛的孩子写道：张海迪姐姐不但学会了外语，还学会了针灸，她那么顽强地学习，终于瘫痪了。1)FaultyParallelism(不对称结构）Faulty:

Amanisjudgednotonlybywhathesaidbutalsobyhisdeeds.Revised:Amanisjudgednotonlybywhathesaidbutalsobywhathedid.Parallelideashadbetterbeexpressedinparallelconstruction.Faulty:Wethoughtshewascharming,intelligent,andaverycapableyoungwoman.Revised:Wethoughtshewasacharming,

intelligent,andcapableyoungwoman.Faulty:Wehavegreatfaithandhighhopesforher.Revised:Wehavegreatfaithin

andhighhopesforher.Ex.Improvethefollowing. 1. FriendsI.DefinitionofFriendsII.TheImportanceofFriendsIII.HowtoMakeFriends2.Myjobincludescheckingtheinventory,initialingtheorders,andtocallthesuppliers.3.Wepaintedthetriminthelivingroom;thewallpaperwasputupbyaprofessional.4.Becausethedyingwomanwasdignifiedandwithcourage,shewoneveryone’srespect.

2)DanglingModifiers悬垂修饰语Amodifierthatopensasentencemustbefollowedimmediatelybytheworditismeanttodescribe.Otherwise,themodifierissaidtobedangling,andthesentencetakesonanunintendedmeaning.Examples:Faulty:Lookingoutofthewindow,thegrasslandstretchesasfarastheeyecansee.Revised:Lookingoutofthewindow,Icanseethegrasslandstretchingasfarastheeyecansee.Outsidethewindow,thegrasslandstretchesasfarastheeyecansee.Faulty:Onenteringtheclassroom,thestudentsstoodupandsaid,“Goodmorning!”Revised:Whentheteacherenteredtheclassroom,thestudentsstoodupandsaid,“Goodmorning!”Onenteringtheclassroom,theteacherwasgreetedbythestudentswhostoodupandsaid,“Goodmorning!”Ex.Improvethefollowingsentences.1.Toimpresstheinterviewer,punctualityisessential.2.Whilepitchinghistent,asnakebitTonyontheankle.3.Theideahementionedatfirstsoundedgood.

3)MisplacedModifiers修饰语错位

Misplacedmodifiersarewordsthat,becauseofawkwardplacement,donotdescribewhatthewriterintendedthemtodescribe.Amisplacedmodifiercanmakeasentenceconfusingorunintentionallyfunny.Toavoidthis,placewordsascloseaspossibletowhattheydescribeE.g.Sheboughtseveralpicturebooksandputthemintoherbag,whichsheintendedtogivetoherchildren.(faulty)Revised:Sheboughtseveralpicturebooksforherchildrenandputthemintoherbag.Sheputintoherbagseveralpicturebooksthatshehadboughtforherchildren.E.g.Thespeakerdiscussedtheproblemofcrowdedprisonsatthecollege.Iorderedanewtelephonefromthemail-ordercatalogshapedlikeacartooncharacter.4)ConfusingShiftsUnnecessaryshiftsinsubjectE.g.Hehatedtostudyand,asaresult,thegradeshegotwerepoor.Themandislikedtoworkand,consequently,themoneyhegotwasmuchlessthananyotheremployee.Awkwardshiftsinvoicee.g.AfterIlockedthedoor,mykeywasleftintheroom.Afteralotoftimehadbeenspentinpreparation,theystartedontheirjourney.Ispentmostofthetimeinthelibrary,butmostofhistimewasspentinthelaboratory.

Awkwardshiftsinnumbere.g.Ifonetrieshard,theywillsucceed.ThereadercanimaginehoweagerNatashaistotryoutthegarbagedisposalunit.TheycanseewhyMr.Natashaissoeagertotryitout.Sinceextracurricularactivitiesaresoimportanttouniversitystudents,eachofusshouldparticipateinit.Awkwardshiftsintensee.g.Extracurricularactivitiesareimportanttopeople,especiallyforthosewhoalwaysburiedthemselvesinwork.

AuntFlotriedtokissherlittlenephew,butherunsoutoftheroom.5)UnclearPronounReference代词指代不清楚Asentencemaybeconfusingandunclearifapronounappearstorefertomorethanonewordordoesnotrefertoanyspecificword.E.g.Susan’smotherwonderedifshewastallenoughtobeamodel.Hisfathertoldhimthathecouldtakeonedayoff.Shetoldthelittlegirlastoryandrevealedtoherthattheheroinewashermother.Ex.Pleaseimprovethefollowingsentences.A.Leaveoutthewordinthatsentencebecauseitistoodifficult.B.Shetoldmysisterthatherideawaspracticable.C.HeisamanrecommendedbyDr.Smithwhoknowshowtofixcars.KeysA.Leaveoutthewordinthatsentencebecausewithitthesentenceistoodifficult.B.Shetoldmysisterthatherownideawaspracticable.C.HeisrecommendedbyDr.Smithasamanwhoknowshowtofixcars.Ex.(coherence)Improvethefollowing.1.Thereportischieflyaboutinflationarytrendsinthelastdecadeandthattheconsumerhaslostconfidenceinthequalityofmanyproducts.2.Herodethatsnowynightandslippedintoaditch,butitwasnotserious.3.Lookatthatridiculouslady’shat!4.Thecampaignwassuccessfulandcostly,butthevictorywassweet.5.Oneofthefringebenefitsofmyjobisthatyoucanuseacompanycreditcardforgasoline.6.Studentswhopractisewritingoftenwillbenefit.DorelevantexerciseTask14onP64-65.3.ConcisenessAsentenceshouldnotcontainunnecessarywords.Iftheideaisfullyexpressed,thefewerwords,thebetter.Wordy:Isawagirlwhoisverybeautiful.Inmyopinion,Ibelieveyourplanisfeasible.Maryisaquietandcarefulwoman.Duetothefactthattheprinterwasoutofpaper,shewenttothestoreforthepurposeofbuyingsome.Lynnisoneofthosepeoplewhorarelyadmitbeingwrong,anditisveryunusualtohearheracknowledgethatshehasmadeamistake.Somehintsformakingconciseandclearsentences:Useapronouninsteadofrepeatinganoun.Useawordinsteadofaphrasewiththesamemeaning,anduseaphraseinsteadofaclausewiththesamemeaning.Donotrepeatwordsorphrases,ifpossible,inasentenceorinonethatfollows.Donotusedifferentwordsorphraseswithsimilarmeaningsinthesamesentence.Donotrepeatthesameideaindifferentsentencesexceptforemphasis.Somewordyexpressionscouldbereducedtosinglewords.e.g.WordyForm ShortFormAtthepresenttime IntheeventthatInthenearfutureDuetothefactthatForthereasonthatIsabletoIneveryinstanceDuringthetimethatAlargenumberofBiginsizeRedincolorFiveinnumberPostponeduntillaterKeyse.g.WordyForm ShortFormAtthepresenttime now Intheeventthat ifInthenearfuture soonDuetothefactthat becauseForthereasonthat becauseIsableto canIneveryinstance alwaysDuringthetimethat whileAlargenumberof manyBiginsize bigRedincolor redPostponeduntillater postponedEx.(Conciseness)Revisethefollowing.1)Hegavemanyreasonsforbeinglate,butthereasonscouldnotholdwater.2).Withthepurposeofgivingyouageneralideaofourproduct,wedecidetoencloseacompletesetofleaflets.Youcanseeit.3)ProfessorSmithlikesdrinkingallkindsofwinesthatareproducedinFrance.4)Shewentbacktoherhometownintheearlypartof2003.4.EmphasisSentenceemphasiscanbeachievedbydifferentmethods.Shortsentencee.g.Thespeakeraskedtheaudiencewhattheythoughtwerethemainproblemsthecitygovernmentwasfacing,andhowtheseproblemsshouldorcouldbesolved,andheeagerlywaitedforanswers.Noanswercame.Toconsumemore,wemustproducemoreandcreatemorewastes.Theseby-productsofourconsumptionmustgosomewhere...Theresultispollution.Cf.Longsentence2)Sentencefragmente.g.Theskywasovercast.Anorthwindwasblowing.Itthreatenedtorainatanymoment.Agloomyday.Theplotisconfusing,thecharactersareveryqueerpeople,andthedialogueishardtounderstand.Astrangefilm.

3)BalancedsentenceTwoparallelsentences(samestructureandroughlythesamelength)withcontrasted(orsimilar)meanings(impressive,forceful,formal).e.g.Helikessmoking;hiswifehatesit.Tosome,thefuturesoundsexciting;toothers,frightening.4)Periodicsentence（掉尾句）Inaperiodicsentence,mainideacomeslast(climax,emphatic,formal).Itisnotcompleteinstructureormeaninguntilitreachesthelastword,whichisthemostimportantwordofthesentence.e.g.Whenmyfatherhadbeenwheeledintotherecoveryroom,Ifinallyrelaxed.Itisgenerallyacknowledgedthatthesolecriterionoftruthispractice.Sheoftensaidtoherparentsandfriendsthathergreatestwishwastobeanartist.5)Loosesentence（渐进句）Inaloosesentence,mainideacomesfirst(simple,direct,natural).e.g.Tobeanartistwashergreatestwishandsheoftentalkedaboutthiswithherparentsandfriends.Herhandswerealwaysmoving,pushingherglassesbackupherslimnose,pattingherhairintoplace,andtappinganon-existentashofftheendofhercigarette.6)Negative-positivestatemente.g.It’snotadiscussion;it’saquarrel.Theperformancewashardlyasuccess;itwasatotalfailure.Henolongerwantsmoney;hewantsfame.7)Sentencewithrepeatedwordsorphrasese.g.Governmentofthepeople,bythepeople,forthepeopleshallnotperishfromtheearth.Twodaysagohegavereasonsforsupportingtheplan,andnowheisgivingreasonforopposingit.Healwayshasreasons.

Hehadneverinhislifeownedanything--nothiswife,norhishouse,norhischild.DorelevantexercisesTasks15&16onP71-72.5.VarietyAgoodwritershouldavoidmonotonyinwriting.Youmayusevarioussentencepatterns,lengthsandstructurestomakeyourwritingmorepleasingandeffective.

1)VarythelengthofthesentenceShortsentence:importantfacts/ideas(emphatic)e.g.topicsentenceofapara.Longsentence:explanation/description(accuracy)e.g.legalwritingTheideayouwanttoexpressdeterminesthechoiceofsentencestructure.Choppy:Mikewroteaquicknote.ItwastoNora.Sheishisformersecretary.Effective:MikewroteaquicknotetoNora,hisformersecretary.Choppy:Mr.Smithwokeupat7:00.Hisalarmclockrang.Hedressedquickly.Hehadtodrivetotheairporttomeetanimportantclientat8:00.Effective:AfterMr.Smithwokeupat7:00byhisalarmclock,hebegantodressquicklybecausehehadtodrivetotheairporttomeetanimportantclientat8:00.

2)Varythesentencepatterns

YoucanstartasentencewithAdjectivesAdverbAdverbialclausePrepositionalphraseInfinitivephraseAppositiveNounclauseA.Beginwithanadjective.e.g.Heiscoldandhungryandhecanhardlygotosleep.Coldandhungry,hecanhardlygotosleep.B.Beginwithanadverboranadverbclause.e.g.1.Gently,hemixedthechemicalstogether.

2.Eventhoughbaseballisessentiallythesame,thestrategyofplaythenandnowisdifferent.C.Beginwithaprepositionalphraseoraparticipialphrase.e.g.1.Inspiteofherhardwork,shefailedthecourse.2.Fromthebeginning,Idislikedmyboss.3.Tiredofstudying,Itookashortbreak.4.4.Troubledbyadream,Timwokeupwithastart.D.Beginwithaninfinitiveoraninfinitivephrase.

E.g.Tosucceedinthatcourse,youmustattendeveryclass.Tohelpmesleepbetter,Ilearnedtoquietmymindthroughmeditation.Togetgoodseats,wewenttothegameearly.E.Beginwithanappositive(同位语）

e.g.Acityofancientorigins,Xi’anusedtobethecapitalofelevendynasties. Jane,oneofmygoodfriends,has