牛津上海版优质中考冲刺基础讲义3作文词句改写教师版

1、学员编号： 年 级：初三 课 时 数： 3学员姓名： 辅导科目：英语 学科教师： 授课类型C(作文评分标准实例)C （好词好句改写）T （作文提分句型 ）授课日期及时段教学内容一、专题知识梳理 知识点1：评分标准：写话评分标准：作文共20分，其中内容为8分，语言为8分，组织结构分为4分。(一) 内容：8分 内容切题，意思连贯，表达清楚、完整。6-7分 内容基本切题，意思大致连贯，表达基本清楚，但不够完整。4-5分 内容不够切题，意思不够连贯，表达不够清楚，离题目要求较远。3分 内容基本不切题，表达不清, 但属于考场作文。1-2分 文不对题，表达不清，字数严重缺少。和本题目无关，但不抄本试卷上的

2、阅读文章。 (二) 语言： 拼写：每错扣0.5分，同一错误不重复计数。 语法：同 标点符号、大小写：每两处错误扣0.5分，但标点符号和大小写的扣分总和均不得超过一分。 语言分最多扣8分。(三) 词数： 词数不足30词者，得分最多不得超过8分； 词数不足40词者，得分最多不得超过12分； 词数不足50词者，得分最多不得超过15分； 词数在50-59词之间者，每少5个词扣0.5分； 只写出个别单词、词不成句不给分。(四) 组织结构： 内容充实，不写废话；上下文连贯、用语规范、表达正确、无或少见语法错误；词汇和句型句式运用恰当，多见好句型和习惯表达用语者，可给4分。 一般情况下，内容和语言积累得分在

3、14-15分以上者（含），方可得到2-3分组织结构分。 内容和语言在15分以下者，如文中有值得肯定的好的句型和表达，可酌情考虑给1分组织结构分。 通篇句型、句式单一。词汇贫乏者，即使无语法错误，一般不给组织结构分。知识点2：写作步骤： 1、列提纲：列提纲包括（1）审题，确定文章的体裁和篇章结构，先后顺序以及侧重点（总-分；总-分-总）；（2）选材，选择最能说明主题且自己有话可说的材料，忌眼高手低选择深奥、偏僻、复杂的材料；（3）选写作方法，如举例，因果，并列，递进，正反对比，对照，时序等。 2、根据提纲写作，注意选词和句型，过渡句，衔接词。 3、检查：查词汇；查句型；查要点；查文采；查拼写训练

4、方法：1、遣词：在正确的基础上选择具体的、高级的词汇。2、造句：使用正确的、熟练的句型。恰当使用复杂句。能恰当表意的习语、谚语。使用连接词增加文章的逻辑性和条理性。3、布局谋篇：主题句简洁明了，中间句丰富多彩，结束句首位呼应，提升主题。二、专题精讲马莞懿： Water is precious As we all know, water is one of the most important thing in our lives（生命可数，生活，不可数）. We can live without water because we use it to do the washing ,drinki

5、ng and so on. But it isnt enough for everyone to use. Although there is a lot of water on the Earth but 97% of the water is salty. （数据例证好！）So we must save it .First of all ,we can use water twice or more. For example, we can use the water to clean the rice and then use it to water the plants. The wa

6、ter after cleaning the rice has a lot of nutrition for plants. Secondly, we should turn of the tap when we dont use. Last but not least, we shouldnt pour the sewage into the lake. It may make the lake dirtier.（Chinglish表达尽量避免！） Water is important for every species on the earth. We mustnt waste or po

7、llute the water.(结尾再升华！) （151）点评：内容：结构合理，三个要点包含清楚。个别句子内容简单，需要多添加一些背景补充。-0.5语言：个别拼写，语法小错(冠词the 滥用，earth大写)。-2.5文采：+2总分：15 修改满分版：Water is PreciousAs we all know, water is one of the most important resources in our life because we not only drink and wash with it, but use it in agricultural and industri

8、al production as well. （However, despite large amounts of water on the earth, only less than 3% can be used by humans, which is not enough for everyone at all. So we must save it .）（First of all, use water twice or more. For example, we can use water after cleaning the rice to water the plants. It i

9、ncludes a lot of nutrition for them. Secondly, we should turn off the tap when we dont use it. Last but not least, we shouldnt pour the sewage into the lake, for it may dirty the lake. In all, lets take actions to protect precious water!） 亮点分析： 一句话点明水的重要性。用状语从句because,并列连词not only, butas well能把零散信息整

10、合在一起。 一句话点明缺水的原因。数据例证有说服力，which非限定性定从善用给作文加分。 三个措施三个连接词，层次分明，详略得当，dirty动词（把。弄脏），比makedirty这种chinglish表达好。三、专题过关 赵凯雨原文： At the moment, I smiledWhen it comes to the moment I smile most happily, I will certainly choose the visit to the home for the aged （The visit to the aged peoples home skips into my

11、 mind.）because I have learned a lot during the experience.Last week, my classmates and I planned to pay a visit to the old. We wanted to give some performances to them. My job was to sing an old song. As a result, （是过程，不是结果）I practiced very hard every night. Though I faced some difficulty, I managed

12、 to come across them at last. The performance turned out to be a great success. (how and why?细节描写缺乏。)At the moment, I smiled proudly because I could do something to make others happy. In addition, I realized that I should always do something for the people in need.To sum up, only if all the people f

13、eel happy, can I smile more often in the future.？点评：语言：语言流畅，个别小错。-0.5内容：结构合理，内容详实，但缺乏关键处细节描写，个别句子不通顺，结尾逻辑不通？ -2文采：文采飞扬 +3总分：16.5 满分修改版：When it comes to the moment I smile most happily, the visit to the old peoples home skips into my mind for I have learned a lot during the experience.Last week, our

14、classmates planned to give a performance to the old people. My job was to sing an old song. Before that, I practiced very hard. When I sang the song in front of the old people, they listened excitedly and clapped for me warmly. (细节描写)At the moment, I smiled proudly because I could do something to ma

15、ke others happy. In addition, I realized that I should always do something for the people in need.How I hope to have more those smiling moments. (120)四、学法提炼中考作文打分的三个档次和评分标准：A档次的作文一般运用了较多的连接词、短语、并列、倒装、时间状语从句、被动语态，审题合理、时态使用正确；字数符合要求；没有大小写、拼写错误。得分在18-20分B档次的作文一般审题可以，有一定的过程描述，语言较流畅，叙述基本完全；复合句；时态基本正确。得分在

16、16-18 分C档次的作文一般能够使用不同的句子，大小写、标点使用正确，会使用些连接词。但语言上可能还需要更加丰富饱满。得分在13-15一些存在典型错误的学生文章写作扣分往往存在部分偏题或完全偏题的情况所以正确审题很重要，内容与主题的相关度是阅卷老师衡量的主要标准。对于半开放作文要补全合适的主题（切入点要小，不能太大）；对于记叙文：时间顺序要注意；要详略得当，有重点。建议同学们平时写作文的时候可以参照下图的标准事项给自己打分。评价标准是(1分)尚可(0.5分)否(0分)总分字数达标按时间顺序叙述详略得当语言无中式英语时态正确句子成分完整结构开头包含四要素结尾总结全文合计1、 专题知识梳理 技巧

17、1：形容词高级化技巧2：动词短语化技巧3：名词具体化技巧4：两句2合1技巧5：主动变被动技巧6：善用副词技巧7：名言警句 2、 专题精讲技巧1：形容词高级化勤奋的 hard-workingdiligent聪明的cleverintelligent重要的importantessential美丽的beautifulattractive开心的happydelightful 有害的badbe harmful to有意义的meaningful独立的independent有责任的responsible方便的convenient有必要的necessary技巧2：动词短语化认为thinkhold the vie

18、wpoint that阻止 stopprevent from doing sth解决solvedeal with给giveprovide with提高improvemake progress期待expectlook forward to doing sth.尽力trytry ones best to do能够canbe able to do sth满意satisfybe satisfied with使用usemake full use of扮演actplay an important part in注意focuspay attention to doing sth技巧3：名词具体化 好处adv

19、antage 知识knowledge幸福happiness影响influence自信心self-confidence建议suggestion技巧4：两句2合1时间状语从句：when, notuntil, as soon as目的状语从句：so that+clause; to do（为了）结果状语从句：sothat+clause, tooto do（太以至于）条件状语从句：if, unless（除非）, as long as（只要）让步状语从句：though（尽管，不与but连用）, although（尽管，不与but连用）, even though(即使), even if（即使） no ma

20、tter what/when/where/who/which/how （无论）比较：asas, not soas, than技巧5：主动变被动Some shop owners use Christmas songs during the festive season to make us more careless with our money. =Christmas songs are used to make us more careless with our money during the festive season.技巧6：善用副词 事实上Actually 然而However 很可

21、能probably 几乎almost 尤其especially 立即immediately技巧7：名言警句-专题健康：One apple a day, keeps the doctor away. 一天一苹果，医生远离我。友情：A fiend in need is a friend in deed. 患难见真情。学习：Never too old to learn. 活到老，学到老。毅力：Practice makes perfect. 熟能生巧。方法：All roads lead to Rome. 条条道路通罗马。As an old saying goes, “One apple a day,

22、keeps the doctor away.” 三、专题过关变为简单句1、I hope that I can see you soon I hope to see you soon. 2、He showed me how he used the computerHe showed me how to use the computer3、I dont know what he said. I dont know his words.4、Could you tell me how I can get to the park?Could you tell me the way to the park

23、?5、I found that it was easy to finish the work.I found it easy to finish the work.6、It seemed that they won the match.They seemed to win the match.同义句型改写1、Can you help me?Can you give me a hand? Can you do me a favor? 2、The food is very delicious.How delicious the food is!What delicious food it is!3

24、、Its time for school.Its time to go to school.4、How do you like Shenzhen?What do you think of Shenzhen?5、Bob began to go to school when he was six.Bob began to go to school at the age of six.变并列句为复合句Hurry up, or you will miss the early bus. If you don't hurry up ，you'll miss the early bus四、学

25、法提炼此部分要求孩子在掌握考纲词汇的基础上能够对于词汇进行拓展以增加词汇量一、 能力培养2019年中考英语写作提高分数的 “拿分魔鬼句型” (每天看2-3个句型，熟记熟默，并造句至少2句例句和在自己写过的或要写的作文中应用)1. the + 形容词最高级 + 名词 +(that)+ I have ever + seen (known/heard/had/read, etc)Helen is the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen.海伦是我所看过最美丽的女孩。Mr. Chang is the kindest teacher that I hav

26、e ever had.张老师是我曾经遇到最仁慈的教师。Yao Ming is the tallest basketball player that I have ever seen.姚明是我所见过的最高的篮球运动员Liu Xiang is the most hardworking sportsman that I have ever seen.刘翔是我所见过的最勤奋的运动员。2. Nothing is + 形容词比较级 than to do sth Nothing is more important than to receive education.没有比接受教育更重要的事。Nothing

27、is more important than to protect our environment.没有什么比环保更重要的事。Nothing is more important than to gain knowledge.没有什么比学习知识更重要的事。3. There is no denying that +句子.(不可否认的是) deny v. 否认There is no denying that Lin Zhiling is the most charming actress I have ever seen.不可否认是，林志玲是我所见过的最有魅力的女演员。There is no den

28、ying that the qualities of our living have gone from bad to worse.不可否认是，我们的生活品质已经每况愈下。4. There is no doubt that + 句子(毫无疑问的) doubt n./v. 疑问There is no doubt that our educational system is not perfect.毫无疑问的我们的教育制度不是完美的。5. An advantage of sth/doing sth is that + 句子(的一个优点是)An advantage of keeping pets i

29、s that you will never feel lonely. 养宠物的一个优点是你不会感到寂寞。An advantage of using the solar energy is that it won't create (produce) any pollution.使用太阳能的一个优点是它不会制造任何污染。An advantage of taking exercises is that it can make us keep healthy.锻炼身体的优点是它可以让我们保持健康。6. The reason why + 句子 + is that + 句子(的原因是)The r

30、eason why we have to grow trees is that they can provide us with fresh air. 我们必须种树的原因是它们能供应我们新鲜的空气。7. So + 形容词 + be + 主语 + that + 句子(如此以致于) 仔细观察：其实是sothat的倒装结构。So precious is time that we can't afford to waste it.时间是如此珍贵，它经不起我们浪费。= Time is so precious that we can't afford to waste it.So beau

31、tiful is Xi Shi that we all like her.西施是如此美丽，以致于我们都喜欢她。= Xi Shi is so beautiful that we all like her.8. 形容词 + as + Subject(主语)+ be, (虽然) 仔细观察：其实和although 引导的让步状语从句差不多，但有所倒装。Rich as our country is, the qualities of our living are by no means satisfactory.(by no means = in no way = on no account 一点也不)

32、虽然我们的国家富有，我们的生活品质绝对令人不满意。=Although our country is rich, 9. The + adj/adv的比较级+（n.） + 主谓, the + adj/adv的比较级+（n.） + 主谓 (愈愈)The harder you work, the more progress you make.你愈努力，你愈进步。The more books we read, the more learned we become.我们书读愈多，我们愈有学问。10. By +Ving, can (借着，能够)By taking exercise, we can alway

33、s stay healthy. 借着做运动，我们能够始终保持健康。By reading, we can broaden our horizon.通过阅读，我们可以扩大视野。11. sth/doing sth enable(s) + Object(宾语)+ to do主动 / to be done被动 (使能够)Listening to music enables us to feel relaxed.（宾语us与feel 之间是主动关系）听音乐使我们能够感觉轻松。Travelling enables our life to be enriched.（宾语life与enrich之间是被动关系）旅

34、行能丰富人们的生活。Watching movies enables our horizon（视野） to be broadened.（被开阔）看电影能开阔视野。同学们再看看下面这两个例句是不是就一目了然了：The light enables Damin to see better.The light enables fish to be seen better.12. That is the reason why (那就是的原因) Summer is hot.That is the reason why I don't like it. 夏天很炎热。那就是我不喜欢它的原因。 Winte

35、r is cold. That is the reason why I don't like it.13. By no means /In no way/ On no account +can we do sth (我们绝对不能) On no account can we ignore(忽略) the value of knowledge. 我们绝对不能忽略知识的价值。 By no mean can we ignore the importance of education. 我们绝对不能忽略教育的重要性。14. cannot emphasize the importance of t

36、oo much. (再怎么强调.的重要性也不为过。) We cannot emphasize the importance of protecting our eyes too much. 我们再怎么强调保护眼睛的重要性也不为过。 We cannot emphasize the importance of education. 我们再怎么强调教育的重要性也不为过。15. Those who (的人) Those who break the law should be punished. 违法的人应该受处罚。16. There is no one but (没有人不) 这个主语认为是第三人称单数

37、 例句：There is no one but wants to go to college. 没有人不渴望上大学。 There is no one but longs to be a millionaire. long to do sth 渴望做某事 没有人不渴望成为百万富翁。17. It is obvious that + 句子 (显然的是)It is obvious that knowledge plays an important role in our life. 可想而知，知识在我们的一生中扮演一个重要的角色。这种句型其实很普遍，看下书本里的这句话： It is common kn

38、owledge that computers are super calculators. 18. be closely related to (与息息相关) Taking exercise is closely related to health. 做运动与健康息息相关。19. get into the habit of + doing(养成的习惯) We should get into the habit of previewing and reviewing. 我们应该养成预习和复习的习惯。20. Due to/ Thanks to + sth/doing sth , (因为) Than

39、ks to his encouragement, I finally realized my dream. 因为他的鼓励，我终于实现我的梦想。Due to Mr Wangs help, I passed the examination.多亏汪老师的帮助，我通过了考试。21. What (a/an) + adj +n + 主谓!= How + adj +主谓! (多么!) 试着在作文中写一句感叹句！How和what的感叹句可以转换，请注意下面句子： What an important thing it is to keep our promise! How important a thing i

40、s to keep our promise! 遵守诺言是多么重要的事! What an important thing it is to be honest! How important a thing is to be honest! 诚实是多么重要的事!22. have a great influence on (对有很大的影响) Smoking has a great influence on our health. 抽烟对我们的健康有很大的影响。23. do good to (对.有益)，do harm to (对有害) Reading does good to our mind. 读

41、书对心灵有益。 Overwork does harm to health. 工作过度对健康有害。24. Spare no effort to + V (不遗余力的)We should spare no effort to beautify our environment.我们应该不遗余力的美化我们的环境。25. Since + Subject(主语) + 一般过去式，Subject(主语) + 现在完成式。 Since he went to senior high school, he has worked very hard. 自从他上高中，他一直很用功。26. For the past +

42、 时间，Subject(主语) + 现在完成式.(过去年来，一直) For the past two years, I have been busy preparing for the examination. 过去两年来，我一直忙着准备考试。27. do one's utmost to do = try one's best to do(尽全力去) We should do our utmost to achieve our goal in life. 我们应尽全力去达成我们的人生目标。 We should try our best to help others. 我们应尽全

43、力帮助别人。28. Among various kinds of ， =Of all the kinds of， (在各种之中, ) Among various kinds of sports/Of all the kinds of animals, I like jogging in particular. 在各种运动中我尤其喜欢慢跑。 29. Of all the +n. + 主谓，（I know/have learned/have read/have raised/am interested in）， (在我所的所有中，)Of all the people I know， perhaps

44、 non deserves my respect more than Mrs Shen, my class teacher.在我认识的人当中也许没有一个人比我班主任沈老师更值得我尊敬。Of all the books I have read, I like Greek myths best30. In my opinion， = In my view， = As far as I am concerned， 就我的看法;我认为 In my opinion, playing computer games not only takes much time but also is harmful t

45、o health. 就我的看法玩电脑游戏既花费时间也有害健康。31. 据说 It is said (that)子句 一般认为 It is thought (that)子句 大家都知道 It is known (that)子句 据报导 It is reported (that)子句 一般预料 It is expected (that)子句 据估计 It is estimated (that)子句 一般相信 It is believed (that)子句 It's known that Hangzhou is a beautiful city.众所周知杭州是座美丽的城市。32. 同学们背的

46、名言警句开头是这样的：（看好标点，千万别出错）A famous saying (谚语)goes, “ 名言 .”A proverb (谚语)says, “ 名言 .”A famous saying goes, “Failure is the mother of success.”二、能力检测句子改写训练1. She noticed the beautiful dress on the shelf.（使用物作主语，升级动词）改句：The beautiful dress on the shelf caught her attention.2. In the past twenty years, h

47、e has collected many stamps.（改用名词短语）改句：In the past twenty years, he has had a big collection of stamps.3. The couple have three children, so they cant spend all the familys money to start a shop.（使用with复合结构，使用it作形式主语的句型）改句：With three children in college, it was impossible for the couple to spend all

48、 the familys money to start a shop.4. Its important for us to get happiness from reading.（使用主语从句，并升级动词）改句：What matters is that we gain happiness from reading.5. Munro was born in a farmer family in Ontario. Munro did a lot of physical work as a young girl.（用分词作状语）改句：Munro was born in a farmer family

49、 in Ontario, doing a lot of physical work in her childhood.6. He dont have money, so he can't pay for the flat and has to live on the street.（使用with复合结构） 改句：Without money, he can't pay for the flat and has to live on the street. 7. Tom is so clever that he can understand the main idea of the

50、 text easily. （进行词汇升级）改句：Tom is so intelligent/smart that can grasp the main idea of the text readily.8. When we face an exam, EQ helps us to manage our feelings.（使用状语从句简化）改句：When facing an exam, we can manage our feelings with the help of EQ.9. More and more people want to have their own private ca

51、rs.（优化more and more）改句：The growing number of people would like to have their own private cars.10. There are a lot of foggy days in many cities in China.（使用see表示“见证”的用法）改句：Many cities in China have seen a lot of foggy days. 11. In the countries all over the world, many people are leaving the countrys

52、ide to find jobs in the cities.（表达优化，引入非谓语动词）改句：In the countries throughout the world, people are leaving the countryside in huge numbers, hoping to find jobs in the cities. 三、能力点评句子改写需要学生在掌握基础的句子结构和句型的情况下的拓展练习，以此来增加作文的文采，需要在平时不停地练习； 学法总结1. 知识收获基础单词的改写和提分句型的掌握能够丰富作文句式，提高写作水平；2. 方法总结对于课文和平时遇到的好词好句可以摘

53、抄到错题本，并且多读多练习；3. 技巧提炼此部分由老师引领学生进行总结。（参考方法总结，让学生自己提炼做题技巧）课后作业 Homework : 基础版-1.奉贤区初三期中英语考试 Writing (作文): (共20分) 94. Write at least 60 words according to the given situation.(根据情景写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。)Situation: In Yulin, Guangxi, a dog meat-eating festival is held in summer every year. Tens of thous

54、ands of dogs are killed and cooked during the festival. Do you support the Yulin tradition that has lasted for hundreds of years, or do you believe this custom should be stopped? What is your opinion? Why?(注意：短文中不得出现任何人名、校名及其它相关信息，否则不予评分My Opinion on a Dog Meat-eating Festival (原文) There is no denying that china has man