安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语 考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作外教旁批写作 (5)

1、安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2012届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（六） 典例你校校长打算改进食堂的设施(facilities) 和服务(service)，请你给校长写信，谈谈你的建议。词数150左右。_【写作策略】1.仔细审题：(1)体裁：建议信。(2)时态：一般现在时。(3)人称：第一人称。2.确定结构：(1)Formal greeting可以用 Dear Sir/ Madam/Dr Smith等。(2)Body language正文内容(3)Formal ending正式建议信结束语还要带上Yours truly/sincerely等。3.筛选词汇：(facilities ，cantee

2、n，quality，service，complain about等。)4.句型搜索：(Id like to.等。)5.组句成篇：(常用firstly，apart from，whats more等。)【范文赏析】Dear Mr.President，My classmates and I are very glad to know that you are determined to improve our canteen facilities and service.I would like to give my opinion.Firstly，the quality of the dishes

3、 should be improved.Undoubtedly，there are a lot of delicious dishes，but all the year around，they are the same.More and more students are complaining about eating the same food every day.Apart from the quality，the price is supposed to be adjusted，too.Some food which is delicious has been priced drama

4、tically high that most of us cant afford it. Whats more，the environment is so noisy that we cant enjoy our meals in good mood.I suggest that there be some soft music to help us relax.From bad to worse，the lights are so dull.We will appreciate from the bottom of our hearts if you will take action imm

5、ediately.【名师点评】为礼貌用语，切忌 “I want to”的汉语思维运用。先陈述优点，为委婉地提出建议做好铺垫。承接上文，过渡下文，由种类到价格，逐渐展开。限制性定语从句用得非常灵活。结果状语从句，增强语气，强烈表达不满。总体评价：行文委婉含蓄地表达建议，同时，又强烈表达了对改进目前状况的期待。语言得体是本文的一大特色。【写作指导】Elegance(优雅)(原文) So­so(普通)(1)My classmates and I are very glad to know that you are determined to improve our canteen faci

6、lities and service. My classmates and I hear that you have made up your mind to improve our canteen facilities and service so we are very happy.(2)More and more students are complaining about eating the same food every day.Many students say they are tired of eating the same food every day.(3)Apart f

7、rom the quality， the price is supposed to be adjusted， too.We hope both quality and the price of food can be improved.(4)I suggest that there be some soft music to help us relax.I think some soft music should be played because it can help us relax.(5)We will appreciate from the bottom of our hearts

8、if you will take action immediately. We will thank you very much if you take action at once.【临摹翻译】1.范文佳句：My classmates and I are very glad to know that you are determined to improve our canteen facilities and service.临摹翻译：他们决心要在改善食堂设施和服务上取得成功。They are determined to succeed in improving the canteen f

9、acilities and service.2.范文佳句：More and more students are complaining about eating the same food every day.临摹翻译：越来越多的人过着健康的生活。More and more people are leading healthy lives.3.范文佳句：Some food which is delicious has been priced dramatically high that most of us cant afford it.临摹翻译：我希望食堂里的食物价格被控制在我们能买得起的范

10、围内。I hope the prices of the food can be controlled below what we can afford.4.范文佳句： Whats more， the environment is so noisy that we cant enjoy our meals in good mood.临摹翻译：食堂里如此之拥挤以至于我们要花大约20分钟才能买到食物。It is so crowded in the canteen that we have to spend about 20 minutes buying the food.5.范文佳句：I suggest that there be some soft music to help us relax.临摹翻译：他建议食堂提供更多的美味而有营养的食品给老师和学生。He_suggested_that_canteen_provide_more_delicious_and_nutritious_foods_for_students.6.范文佳句：We will appreciate