杨娜老师2011写作串讲.ppt

1、2011写作串讲,杭州泰祺 杨娜 ,小作文,1. 考试安排及本次考试分数分布 2. 评分标准 3. 写作结构(补充其他小作文模板及句型),1. 考试安排及本次考试分数分布,小作文：满分10分（写作时间10分钟左右） 本次考试评卷松，大部分学生6分 ？灭绝师太级评分？ 最高？最低？,评卷老师的标准：,Step1：挂档！ 一档9分 二档7分 三档5分 四档3分 五档1分 老师最喜欢的档位？ 空档！（无字作文0分）,STEP2：打方向！ 根据档位调节方向盘控制走向。 容易受影响因素： 字数及字迹 拼写及标点符号 语法 逻辑及内容,STEP3：赛车？！ 横向比较，同一批作文中前后学生作文参照（评分人员

2、2分的调节分权利） 结果：六月飞雪，比窦娥还冤,3分档作文：,Dear Mr.Li: I have just bought a new cell-phone in Zhejiang Hangzhou. This my new cell-phone from your company made. I have used three days that find there are some problems with the cell-phone. Above all, the new cell-phone skin have too many little point. Second, the

3、 new cell-phone massage systems. And imge systems is can not to see. I have to letter to you, because my have your helps. Please letter me hurry up. Thank you very much. Yours, Zhang Wei,5分档作文,Dear Mr.Li, I am sorry to write you to complain the problem of the cell-phone I bought from your store yest

4、erday. I find it cant work properly when I power it on this morning, the LCDdisplays no signal although I am sure the SIM card is installed correctly. It is strongly suspicious that the quality is not good as our expect, so I firmly demand to replace a new-well one for it. I will wait patiently for

5、your answer in 5 days. Hope you call my alternative cell-phone 130. as soon as you read my letter. And I am looking forward to your good service. Many thanks for your attention. Best Regards Zhang Wei,7分档作文,Dear Mr Li: I am hereby writing this letter to make a complaint, as I bought a new cell-phone

6、 from your store just two days ago. Howeve, I found there are some problems which should not happen. First of all, the mobile shut off automaticaly from time to time. I have to try many times to re-turn it on. Secondly, there are some keys are of no use. Thirdly, the screen sometimes went dark out o

7、f suddent. I would like to return this cell-phone, and get my money that I paid for. Please kindly help me solve this problem at earliest. Your quickest attention will be rightly appreciated. Best regards. Yours zhang wei,9分档作文,Dear Mr.Li: I venture to write to complain about the quality of the cell

8、-phone I bought last Friday at your store. There has been a series of problems. For one thing, the screen is always blank. For another, the battery is distressing as it barely supports the cell-phones operation for half an hour. Therefore, I wish to exchange it for another cell-phone. I will appreci

9、ate it if my problem receives due attention. Yours sincerely Zhang Wei,3. 投诉信写作结构,致命错误：建议信！ （中间一样但前后不一样） 开头Im sorry that I make a complaint that 结尾If you give me a new one, thatll be better. Thank you so much if you could 注意：虽然是投诉，也要文明投诉！ “If you want money, I have no; if you want life, I have one”

10、投诉信？恐吓信！,信件格式,1. 格式： -solutation (称呼); -body； -complimentary（结语）； -signature（签名） 2. 开门见山的句法 3. 语气 4. 逻辑合理（正文）,称呼： 王先生？ Dear Lao Ma, Darling Old Horse, Dear Mr. Wang, Or: Dear Sir/Madam, 常用头衔：editor, Prof. , Dr. ,末尾签名： Yours sincerely/ truly, respectfully, 但不要用yours lovely 更不要用yours beloved 永远不可能考的书信

11、？ 求爱信,2. 开门见山法 中英文差异注意 Im writing to thank you for Im writing to apply for the job in Im writing to make an apology that E.g. I am writing this letter to thank you for your warm hospitality accorded to me and my delegation during our recent visit to your beautiful country.,3. 逻辑合理（正文原因） 写信目的 写信内容 写信

12、的祝福和愿望 E.g. express thanks for sino-us cultural exchange program welcome visit to China,注意：自由发挥部分要符合常理 on business: lodging and accommodation emergency help: eating and sleeping schedule/plan,千万不能写的原因： everything is free; red envelope/ gift; entertainment: singing and dancing at Yezonghui(?) /night

13、club,贪官,Dear Minister, I am writing this letter to thank you for your warm hospitality accorded to me and my delegation during our recent visit to your beautiful country. I would also like to thank you for your interesting discussion with me which I have found very informative and useful. During the

14、 entire visit, my delegation and I were overwhelmed by the enthusiasm about/for cultural cooperation with China. I sincerely hope we could have more exchanges like this one when we would be able to continue our interesting discussion on possible ways to expand our bilateral relations and bring our p

15、eople together. I am looking forward to your early visit to China when I will be able to pay back some of the hospitality I received during my memorable stay in your country. Yours faithfully, Zhang Wei,Cell-phone problems,-a low battery/ the battery is low even if theyre fresh/recharged; -a problem

16、 with the memory card/machine; -failure in connecting to the computer; -screen problems: 1. the screen has gone blank; 2. black screen in shooting mode when the phone is turned on.,牢记：不要轻易挑战自己的技术词汇；原因要简明扼要，说得越多错越多！,英语老师的心态： 可以忍受grammatical mistake，但无法忍受你的language mistake，比如： You ask me, me ask who?

17、If you dont take the responsibility for the problem cellphone, I will call to “96315”to solve it. I think theres something wrong with the speaker. The original memory is 64mb, and with a 2GB memory card inserted, the memory is still displayed as 64mb.,?,如何转移难题：,1. It refuses to work/ doesnt work as

18、normally as before. 2. Besides, after-sale service is rather poor. The service line is always busy.,范文,Dear Mr.Li, I venture to write to complain about the quality of I bought yesterday at your store. But there have been a series of problems shooting. For one thing / First of all/ Firstly, For anoth

19、er thing / Secondly/ Besides, Therefore, I wish to exchange it for another one or declare a refund. I would be grateful if you could /I will appreciate it if my problem receives due attention. Yours, Zhang Wei,Im writing this letter for the purpose of offering some suggestions to you.,I hope you wil

20、l find these suggestions practical. / I hope that you will take my suggestions into serious consideration.,实际丢分细节（常见语言错误）,1. 语言问题太多（语法或拼写）； 2. 标点符号（一逗到底）； 3. 自娱自乐型语言 Answering person? Hear the opposite? 费解！,大作文,三段七句法,观点论证型文章格式： 1.观点总述 2.观点独立分析原因 3.我的观点,观点总述句型模板（段一）：,1+2句型：一句现象总体抛砖引玉；两句不同观点摆明；（最后字数不够

21、还可以加废话总结：Therefore, what is right lies in how you view upon that, rather than what is given right.） 表现象：It is obvious/its becoming more and more obvious/clear/no surprising/evident that Its easy for us to notice that Nowadays what draws peoples great attention is that (some world powers are competin

22、g for occupying Tibet. ） 世界最高点，为什么抢占？当洪水泛滥时可以占去有利位置，要想上岸，请交钱 e.g. Its becoming more and more popular that celebrity endorsement has been added to commercials everywhere, but some products ( they are speaking for) are actually harmful to peoples health.,万能废话，耶！,表各抒己见：,Some (people) hold/ respond to B

23、ut others see from the opposite point of view/ respond to quite differently (in a completely different manner). 注意：逻辑思维一定要对等联想，力求找出两种主张、做法之间相左的焦点和各自最具有力度的依据或核心动机；二是在段落组织上和第二段原因部分行成论点+论据格式。,高级：E.g. Some claim that BOTOX is a good way of keeping young. But others put opposite views on the problem beca

24、use it easily makes us expressionless. 低级：e.g. To some peoples mind, reading should be done in a selective way. But to others, it is just the opposite. 套用：Celebrity endorsement is a good way of keeping people informed. should be done in a selective way.,举例: “Can money buy happiness” 有人认为金钱是幸福之本(sour

25、ce of happiness) 也有人认为金钱是万恶之源(root of all evils) 我的看法 money-sensitive/oriented 两种极端，有钱的开宝马，没钱的只能骑飞鸽； 有钱的都用esteelaunder，没钱的只能天天用大宝,What can money buy us? Can it bring happiness all of us live to seek for? Obviously, different people may come up with different answers to the question. Some may take it

26、 for granted that money is the sourse of happiness; but others argue that money can buy you nothing but all evils.,2. 观点独立分析原因：,The reasons / factors/ causes for the love of / interest in/ determination to do/ objection to are varied and individual. e.g. the reasons for his pursuit of the career are

27、 varied but individual. (their choices/ their attitudes/ their viewpoints),具体原因一,First of all, A variety of / quite a few of factors have led some people to e.g. Quite a few factors have led people to agree with the celebrity endorsement in a selective way. convenient/easy/popularize money/profit/be

28、nefit experience,易,金,经,1. it might bring more convenience for the companies to popularize the products ; 2. with the development of global market, businesses need celebrities to earn more profits for them; 3. most of people believe in celebrities experience in using some famous products.,具体原因二,Howev

29、er, their choice of / attitude to stems from / derives from/ results from some chief factors as follows: the products popularized by celebrities are not only harmful but also expensive ; celebrities might speak for commercials just for money; children might be badly influenced by the imitation of so

30、me consumption behaviors like buying a lot of luxury brands.,3. 我的观点,To my mind/ From my point of view/ In my opinion, whether or depends on how e.g. To my mind, whether money may bring us happiness or evils depends on how we get it and how we use it.,Anyway/ Anyhow/ In any case, whether or is a dif

31、ficult question to answer (remains to be turned over);but one thing is certain that e.g. In any case, whether a transsexual operation (变性手术) is a blessing or a curse remains to be turned over; but one thing is certain that it will make a great difference to the original outlook. 东方不败拿绣花针,that it will make a big influence in people and more of them will buy the endorsed products.,Whether celebrity endorsement is good or not/ allowed or forbidden,总体结构（今年考试重点）,首段式