2021年TED英语演讲 爱情的三大秘诀

1、TED英语演讲 爱情的三大秘诀 TED是Technology, Entertai _ent, Design(科技、娱乐、设计)的缩写，这个会议的宗旨是用思想的力量来改变世界。TED演讲的特点是毫无繁杂冗长的专业讲座，观点响亮，开门见山，种类繁多，看法新颖。而且还是非常好的英语口语听力练习材料，建议坚持学习。下面是为大家收集关于TED英语演讲：爱情的三大秘诀，欢迎借鉴参考。 Today I want to talk to you about the _the _tics of love. Now, I think that we can all agree that _the _ticians

2、are famously ex _llent at finding love.But its not just because of our dashing personalities, superior conversational skills and ex _llent pencil cases. Its also because weve actually done an awful lot of work into the _ths of how to find the perfect partner. 今天我想要和大家谈谈关于爱情的数学。 我想大家都 同意数学家在寻找真爱上特别在行

3、。 但那并不是是因为我们精力充沛的性格， 超凡的对话技巧，和极好的笔盒。也是 因为我们真的花了许多时间精力在数学上， 计算如何找到 _的伴侣。 The thing is that I personally dont subscribe to such a pessimistic view. Because I know, just as well as all of you do, that love doesnt really work like that. Hu _n emotion isnt neatly ordered and rational and easily predictab

4、le. But I also know that that doesnt mean that _the _tics hasnt got something that it can offer us, because, love, as with most of life, is full of patterns and _the _tics is, ulti _tely, all about the study of patterns. Patterns from predicting the weather to the fluctuations in the stock _rket, to

5、 the movement of the plas or the growth of cities. And if were being honest, none of those things are exactly neatly ordered and easily predictable, either. Because I believe that _the _tics is so powerful that it has the potential to offer us a new way of looking at almost anything. Even something

6、as mysterious as love. And so, to try to persuade you of how totally a _zing, ex _llent and relevant _the _tics is, I want to give you my top three _the _tically verifiable tips for love. 重点是，我个人其实并不 同意这种悲观的看法。 因为我知道，如同你们所有所知道的， 爱情并不是这样发生的。 人类的情感不是那样地秩序井然，干净利落，逻辑清晰，以及容易预测。 但我也知道那并不意谓着 数学无法提供帮助， 因为爱情

7、，如同生命中多数的事物一般，充斥着许多规律， 而数学，最终，就是那讲求规律的学说。 从预测天候，到预测股票市场的开高走低， 到星球的运转，或都市的发展。 如果我们对自己诚实的话，上述那些东西，没有一个是 井然有序以及容易预测的。 因为我相信，数学的力量非常强大，以至于它让我们得以以新方法 重新 看待 任何事物。就算是和爱情一般神秘的东西也是。为了试着说服你们 数学的神妙用处， 我想要给大家三个最重要的在数学上可以验证的爱情秘诀。 OK, so Top Tip #1: How to win at online dating. So my favorite online dating websit

8、e is OkCupid, not least because it was started by a group of _the _ticians. Now, because theyre _the _ticians, they have been collecting data on everybody who uses their site for almost a decade. And theyve been trying to search for patterns in the way that we talk about ourselves and the way that w

9、e interact with each other on an online dating website. And theyve e up with some seriously interesting findings. But my particular favorite is that it turns out that on an online dating website, how attractive you are does not dictate how popular you are, and actually, having people think that your

10、e ugly can work to your advantage.Let me show you how this works. In a thankfully voluntary section of OkCupid, you are allowed to rate how attractive you think people are on a scale between one and five. Now, if we pare this score, the average score, to how _ny messages a selection of people re _iv

11、e, you can begin to get a sense of how attractiveness links to popularity on an online dating website. 好，首先最重要的秘技一： 如何 赢得线上交友的机会。我最爱的线上交友 _是OkCupid( _名：好吧，丘比特)， 这并不 仅仅因为这 _是由一群数学家所架设的。因为他们是数学家， 他们已经搜集了 近乎这十年来所有他们 _使用者的资料。 他们试着 _寻找 我们用英语上 谈论时间和自己的方式的模式， 以及我们和他人互动的模式。 他们发现了一些重要的有趣结果。 但我特别喜欢的结果之一是 在线上交

12、友 _上 你的魅力程度并无法预测你的受欢迎程度， 事实上，让人们觉得你很丑 可以让你拥有优势。 让我向各位展示这是怎么一回事。 在OkCupid的一个愿愿栏目中， 你可以评价人们的魅力值， 从1到5。 现在，如果我们比较这个分数，平均分数， 有多少人收到信息， 你就可以开始理解 在一个线上约会 _上魅力指数与受欢迎程度有关。 This is the graph the OkCupid guys have e up with. And the important thing to noti _ is that its not totally true that the more attracti

13、ve you are, the more messages you get. But the question arises then of what is it about people up here who are so much more popular than people down here, even though they have the same score of attractiveness? And the reason why is that its not just straightforward looks that are important. So let

14、me try to illustrate their findings with an example. So if you take someone like Portia de Rossi, for example, everybody agrees that Portia de Rossi is a very beautiful wo _n. Nobody thinks that shes ugly, but shes not a supermodel, either. If you pare Portia de Rossi to someone like Sarah Jessica P

15、arker, now, a lot of people, myself included, I should say, think that Sarah Jessica Parker is seriously fabulous and possibly one of the most beautiful creatures to have ever have walked on the fa _ of the Earth. But some other people, i.e., most of the Inter .seem to think that she looks a bit lik

16、e a horse.Now, I think that if you ask people how attractive they thought Jessica Parker or Portia de Rossi were, and you ask them to give them a score between one and five I reckon that theyd average out to have roughly the same score. But the way that people would vote would be very different. So

17、Portias scores would all be clustered around the four because everybody agrees that shes very beautiful, whereas Sarah Jessica Parker pletely divides opinion. Thered be a huge spread in her scores. And actually its this spread that counts. Its this spread that _kes you more popular on an online Inte

18、r dating website. So what that means then is that if some people think that youre attractive, youre actually better off having some other people think that youre a _ssive minger. Thats much better than everybody just thinking that youre the cute girl next door. 这是OkCupid得到的 图表 。一件重要的值得注意的事是并不是越有魅力的人

19、，收到的信息越多。 问题是， _上面的这些人 比下面这些人要受欢迎得多， 即便他们都有相同的魅力值? 原因是，并不是直观的外貌是重要的。 让我来谈谈他们的发现，以一个案例说明。 如果你拿Portia de Rossi为例， 每个人都同意Portia de Rossi是个非常美丽的女人， 没有人觉得她丑，但她也不是超模。 如果你拿某个人，比如莎拉杰西卡帕克(译者注：欲望都市女主角)状语从句：来她比较 许多人，包括我自己，我应该会说， Sarah Jessica Parker魅力极为出众， 有可能是地表上 最美丽的物种之一。 但许多其他人，比如，大多数的网友似乎 都认为她看起来像马。(笑声) 如果

20、你问人们他们觉得自己有多美， 莎拉杰西卡帕克或波蒂亚德罗西 你要他们给自己打分，从1到5， 我猜他们也会大约 。一个和大家都差不多的数字 但是人们投票的方式各自不同。 因此鲍西娅的分数会聚集在4分左右， 因为所有人都同意，她非常美丽， 然而人们对莎拉杰西卡帕克却有截然不同 _。 她的分差悬殊很大。 然而，事实上，就是那分差别具意义， 那差异让你 在交友 _上受欢迎。 所以那意味着 如果有些人认为你别具魅力， 你最好有其他人认为 你很丑。 那远优于所有人认为 你的英文邻家的女孩可爱。 Now, I think this begins to _ke a bit more sense when yo

21、u think in terms of the people who are sending these messages. So lets say that you think somebodys attractive, but you suspect that other people wont ne _ssarily be that interested. That means theres less petition for you and its an extra in _ntive for you to get in touch. Whereas pare that to if y

22、ou think somebody is attractive but you suspect that everybody is going to think theyre attractive. Well, why would you bother humiliating yourself, lets be honest? But heres where the really interesting part es. Because when people choose the pictures that they use on an online dating website, they

23、 often try to minimize the things that they think some people will find unattractive. The classic example is people who are, perhaps, a little bit overweight deliberately choosing a very cropped photo,or bald men, for example, deliberately choosing pictures where theyre wearing hats. But actually th

24、is is the opposite of what you should do if you want to be suessful. You should really, instead, play up to whatever it is that _kes you different, even if you think that some people will find it unattractive. Because the people who fancy you are just going to fancy you anyway, and the unimportant l

25、osers who dont, well, they only play up to your advantage. 当你们开始思考一下这些寄送信息的人的话， 这开始变得合理些了。 这么说吧，假设你认为那个人很美， 但你同时猜想其他人并不会和你有同样的审美观。 那就意味着，你的竞争对手略少， 这就给你增加了额外的动机去与他/她认识。 与之相对的情况是你认为某人很有吸引力， 但你猜想所有其他的人都认为那人很有吸引力， 嗯，让我们面对事实 _要自取其辱呢呢? 这就是最 有趣 的部分。因为当人们去选择他们在交友 _上使用的照片时，他们总是试图最小化 其他人认为不吸引人之处的可能性。 最经典的例子是，

26、那些体重略重的人 故意选择一个剪裁非常不正的照片， 例如那些秃顶的男士， 故意去选择他们带着帽子的照片。 但你的行为是与你的目标相悖的， 如果你想要在网上交友成功。 你真的应该，去选择让你看起来与众不同的照片， 即便你 为某些人会对此失去兴趣。 因为那些喜欢你的人无论如何都会去喜欢你， 而那些不重要的路人只是渲染你的优势。 OK, Top Tip #2: How to pick the perfect partner. So lets i _gine then that youre a roaring suess on the dating s _ne. But the question ar

27、ises of how do you then convert that suess into longer-term happiness, and in particular, how do you decide when is the right time to settle down? Now generally, its not advisable to just cash in and _rry the first person who es along and shows you any interest at all. But, equally, you dont really

28、want to leave it too long if you want to _ximize your chan _ of long-term happiness. As my favorite author, Jane Austen, puts it, An un _rried wo _n of seven and twenty can never hope to feel or inspire affection again.(Laughter)Thanks a lot, Jane. What do you know about love? 好了，最高秘诀2号：如何选择 _的伴侣。 让

29、我们想象你的约会 精彩成功。 但问题来了你如何将那成功的约会 转变成 _的快乐，尤其是， 你要如何选择在哪个时刻安定下来? 一般来说，并建议人们立刻 与第一个出现 对你表达好感的人结婚。 但是，一般来说，如果你想要最大化你未来数十年幸福婚姻的机会， 你也不愿等待太久。 我最喜欢的作家简奥斯汀这样说， “一个未婚的27岁女子 就别指望再能 _或激发爱情了。” (笑声) 这太严重了，简。你对爱了解多少呢? So the question is then, how do you know when is the right time to settle down, given all the peo

30、ple that you can date in your lifetime? Thankfully, theres a rather delicious bit of _the _tics that we can use to help us out here, called opti _l stopping theory. So lets i _gine, then, that you start dating when youre 15 and ideally, youd like to be _rried by the time that youre 35. And theres a

31、number of people that you could potentially date across your lifetime, and theyll be at varying levels of goodness. Now the rules are that on _ you cash in and get _rried, you cant look ahead to see what you could have had, and equally, you cant go back and change your mind. In my experien _ at leas

32、t, I find that typically people dont much like being recalled years after being passed up for somebody else, or thats just me. 那么问题来了， 你怎么知道哪个时刻是该安定下来的时刻， 毕竟生命中你有很多可能的对象? 幸好，我们可以运用一点儿数学 来帮助我们计算解决这个问题，名叫“最优停止理论“。 那么让我们来想象一下， 你在15岁的时候开始交往， 理想状态下，你在35岁的时候会结婚。 你的人生中 有很多 潜在 的约会对象，他们都有各自的优点。规则是，你一旦跳进婚姻， 你

33、就不能继续前进寻找你可能可以有的对象， 你也不能回头来改变你的主意。 我个人的经验看来， 一般人们不希望 在被拒绝又过了多年后被找回来，也许只有我这样想。 So the _th says then that what you should do in the first 37 per _nt of your dating window, you should just reject everybody as serious _rriage potential.And then, you should pick the next person that es along that is bett

34、er than everybody that youve seen before. So heres the example. Now if you do this, it can be _the _tically proven, in fact, that this is the best possible way of _ximizing your chan _s of finding the perfect partner. Now unfortunately, I have to _ you that this method does e with some risks. For in

35、stan _, i _gine if your perfect partner appeared during your first 37 per _nt. Now, unfortunately, youd have to reject them.Now, if youre following the _ths, Im afraid no one else es along thats better than anyone youve seen before, so you have to go on rejecting everyone and _ alone.Probably surrou

36、nded by cats .nibbling at your re _ins. 告诉数学我们 你应该拒绝认为会在状语从句：你人生约会周期 前37%时段出现的任何人有严肃认真的婚姻关系。 接着，你要选择下一个人， 那个比你以前约会对象都好的人。 这里举 几例 。如果你这么做，从数学证明来看可以认为，事实上这可能是最好的选择 来最大化你找到 _伴侣的机会。 现在不幸的是，我必须告诉你这个方法也是有风险的。 比如，想象一下，你假设 _的伴侣 出现在你约会历程的前37% 那就很不幸了，你会拒绝他们。 如果你相信数学， 恐怕你不会再找到 比你以往见过更好的对象， 你就会持续拒绝每个人然后孤独终老。 可能

37、会被猫咪包围一点点啃食你的遗骸。 OK, another risk is, lets i _gine, instead, that the first people that you dated in your first 37 per _nt are just incredibly dull, boring, terrible people. Thats OK, because youre in your rejection phase, so thats fine, you can reject them. But then i _gine the next person to e alo

38、ng is just _rginally less boring, dull and terrible .than everybody that youve seen before. Now, if you are following the _ths, Im afraid you have to _rry them .and end up in a relationship which is, frankly, subopti _l. Sorry about that. But I do think that theres an opportunity here for Hall _rk t

39、o cash in on and really cater for this _rket. A Valentines Day card like this.My darling hu _and, you are _rginally less terrible than the first 37 per _nt of people I dated.Its actually more ro _ntic than I nor _lly _nage. 好，另一个风险是，让我们想象，相反的， 你约会历程前37%里第一个对象 极度愚蠢，无聊又很糟糕。 没事，因为你还在拒绝对象的阶段， 没问题，你可以拒绝他

40、们。 但想象一下，下一个出现的人 只是没那么无聊，愚蠢 比你以前的对象都略好那么一点儿。 如果你 遵循数学，恐怕你要和他们结婚然后沉浸在一段，实话说，次优的关系中。 很抱歉。 但我认为，机会还是有的 贺曼公司迎风市场需求 出售这样的情人节贺卡。(笑声) “我亲爱的丈夫，你没有 我约会历程中前37%的男士那么糟糕“。 这比一般的贺卡浪漫很多。 OK, so this method doesnt give you a 100 per _nt suess rate, but theres no other possible strategy that can do any better. And a

41、ctually, in the wild, there are _rtain types of fish which follow and employ this exact strategy. So they reject every possible suitor that turns up in the first 37 per _nt of the _ting season, and then they pick the next fish that es along after that window thats, I dont know, bigger and burlier th

42、an all of the fish that theyve seen before. I also think that subconsciously, hu _ns, we do sort of do this anyway. We give ourselves a little bit of time to play the field, get a feel for the _rketpla _ or whatever when were young. And then we only start looking seriously at potential _rriage candi

43、dates on _ we hit our mid-to-late 20s. I think this is conclusive proof, if ever it were needed, that everybodys brains are prewired to be just a little bit _the _tical. 这个数学方法不能保证100%的成功率， 但也没有更好的策略了。 事实上，在动物界，某个特定种类的鱼 遵循使用这样的策略。 在交配期，它们拒绝 出现在前37%的每个求婚者， 接着它们选择37%后出现的下一个 比所见过的鱼 体型更加庞大，更加结实的鱼。 我想作为人

44、类我们潜意识里也在做同样的选择。 我们给自己更多时间寻找， 在我们年轻的时候 _婚恋市场。 我们只有在20岁年龄段的中后期 才会很真寻找潜在的结婚对象。 我想这证明了，即使不确定是否需要， 每个人的大脑都预配了点儿数学能力。 OK, so that was Top Tip #2. Now, Top Tip #3: How to avoid divor _. OK, so lets i _gine then that you picked your perfect partner and youre settling into a lifelong relationship with them.

45、 Now, I like to think that everybody would ideally like to avoid divor _, apart from, I dont know, Piers Morgans wife, _ybe?But its a sad fact of modern life that one in two _rriages in the States ends in divor _, with the rest of the world not being far behind. Now, you can be forgiven, perhaps for

46、 thinking that the arguments that pre _de a _rital breakup are not an ideal candidate for _the _tical investigation. For one thing, its very hard to know what you should be measuring or what you should be quantifying. But this didnt stop a psychologist, John Gott _n, who did exactly that. Gott _n ob

47、served hundreds of couples having a conversation and recorded, well, everything you can think of. So he recorded what was said in the conversation, he recorded their skin conductivity, he recorded their facial expressions, their heart rates, their blood pressure, basically everything apart from whet

48、her or not the wife was actually always right, which incidentally she totally is. But what Gott _n and his team found was that one of the most important predictors for whether or not a couple is going to get divor _d was how positive or negative each partner was being in the conversation. 好，上述就是最高秘诀

49、2号。 现在，最高秘诀3号：如何避免离婚。 好的，让我们想象一下你找到了你的 _对象 你和他/她进入了一生的婚姻关系。 我假设每个人都不希望离婚， 当然，也许除了Piers Morgan的太太? 可是，现代婚姻一个悲伤的 事实就是美国离婚率高达50%， 世界其他国家也离这个数据不远。 当然，你可以认为 婚姻破裂的原因 不是数学运算理想的数据源。 一方面来说，很难了解到 你该去测量什么或者是你该去量化什么。但这 并没有阻止心理学家John Gott _n做这样的研究 。Gott _n观察了数百对夫妇的对谈 尽可能录下来所有信息。 记录了对话的内容， 皮肤的传导性， 面部表情， 心跳，血压， 基本

50、上除了“太太永远是对的”以外的所有东西， 当然，太太永远是对的。 但是，高特曼他状语从句：团队的发现 最能够准确预测 这对夫妻是否会未来的离婚 的英文 方在对话过程中积极还是消极。 Now, couples that were very low-risk scored a lot more positive points on Gott _ns scale than negative. Whereas bad relationships, by which I mean, probably going to get divor _d, they found themselves getting

51、 into a spiral of negativity. Now just by using these very _ ideas, Gott _n and his group were able to predict whether a given couple was going to get divor _d with a 90 per _nt auracy. But it wasnt until he teamed up with a _the _tician, James Murray, that they really started to understand what cau

52、ses these negativity spirals and how they our. And the results that they found, I think, are just incredibly impressively _ and interesting. So these equations predict how the wife or hu _and is going to respond in their next turn of the conversation, how positive or negative theyre going to be. And

53、 these equations depend on the mood of the person when theyre on their own, the mood of the person when theyre with their partner, but most importantly, they depend on how much the hu _and and wife influen _ one another. 那些离婚风险很低的夫妻 在戈特曼的测试中得到了更多正面而不是负面的分数。 相反的，在糟糕的关系中， 我是指那些可能离婚的夫妻， 他们发现自己沉浸在消极的漩涡中

54、。 就用这些非常简单的方法， Gott _n和他的团队能够准确预测 一对夫妻是否会离婚， 准确率高达90% 但是，直到他与数学家James Murray联手， 他们才真正找出 那些消极漩涡是如何产生， _产生的。 结果是他们发现 我认为 _议太令人惊叹的简单而 有趣 。这些算式，他们用来预测妻子或是丈夫是如何去回应他们下一段对话， 他们的积极或消极程度是多少。 这些算式，取决于 当他们独处时各自的情绪， 当他们和伴侣在一起时候的情绪， 但最重要的是， 取决于丈夫和妻子相互间的影响。 Now, I think its important to point out at this stage, t

55、hat these exact equations have also been shown to be perfectly able at describing what happens between two countries in an arms ra _.So that an arguing couple spiraling into negativity and teetering on the brink of divor _ is actually _the _tically equivalent to the beginning of a nuclear war. 在这个阶段

56、我认为最重要的是， 这个一模一样的算式 同时也可以 _预测 两个国家是否会开战。因此一对沉浸于消极情绪 在离婚边缘摇摆的夫妻 - 实际在数学上等同于即将开始一场核战争。 But the really important term in this equation is the influen _ that people have on one another, and in particular, something called the negativity threshold. Now, the negativity threshold, you can think of as how a

57、nnoying the hu _and can be before the wife starts to get really pissed off, and vi _ versa. Now, I always thought that good _rriages were about promise and understanding and allowing the person to have the spa _ to be themselves. So I would have thought that perhaps the most suessful relationships were ones where there was a really high negativity threshold. Where couples let things go and only brought things up if they really were a big deal. But actually, the _the _tics and subsequent findings by the team have shown the exact opposite is true. The best couples, or the most suessful couple