SAT作文批改实例解析-智课教育出国考试.pdf

智 课 网 S A T 备 考 资 料 SAT作文批改实例解析 智课教育出国考试 下面是一篇SAT作文 我们来看一下专业的老师对于这篇文章的批 改 好的地方大家可以吸取其精华 剔除其糟粕 要时刻记住 逻辑和 表达是一篇优秀文章的核心 Topic Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is Original Beneath the surface usually lies the truth which may turns out to be unexpected and subversive To those who only see one facet of an event things invariably seem simple and single sided But to those who are perceivable enough to explore things underneath the surface there is always a however One prime example is the America Stock Market Crash in 1929 In the dazzling twentieth the American bull market was so financially inviting that even the American middle class poured its money into the stock market like the New York Stock Exchange However on October 4 1929 the American economy came to an abrupt halt when the New York Stock Exchange crashed The previous widespread optimism then shifted to a desperate pessimism shading the whole nation as nightmare Consequently the Great Depression befell leaving American economy crippling However the American president Roosevelt insightfully staged a series of measures to save the falling economy Just like a beam of sunlight expels the black cloud in the sky Roosevelt brought a beam of hope to American people saving the whole nation from the suicidal pessimism Some may deem the Great Depression as an outright catastrophe to America Yet beneath the bad impacts it heaved upon the country we may find many benefits resulted It is after the Great Depression that American people began to hold dear the value of prudence when investing in the stock market They are more likely to avoid being overwhelmed by the seemingly sweeping optimism of current financial situations The prophets on economy formerly imprudent and arbitrary are learning to be more careful and perspicacious when making predictions to the public Thus from this disaster American people benefit from the financial fiasco and forged some new and beneficial habits that they previously lacked In addition the event I went through also supports this thesis In the beginning of my first high school semester I met my mathematics teacher an old man with stony face and low key voice He was by the first glance cold and uninteresting Nevertheless notonly he taught very good math but he also owned strong charisma such as humor and friendliness He has a wide breadth of knowledge so by his citing poems to illustrate mathematical theories we comprehend them better Henceforth I came to realize that that my first impression of him was totally wrong and unreliable Every coin has two side We learn facts though exploring carefully coupled with analyzing evenhandedly Only by the correct means can we put tings in right perspective 419 words Topic Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is 原题 是否有些事情并非跟它事实上是一样的 立论 有些事情的确跟它事实上是一样的 驳论 有些事情并非跟它事实上是一样的 相对好写 找出反例即 可 Revised by Luke Beneath the surface usually lies the truth which may turns out to be unexpected and subversive To those who only see one facet of an event things invariably seem simple and single sided However to those who are perceivable enough to explore things underneath the surface there is always a BUT 首段不错 我只做小改动 One prime example is the America Stock Market Crash in 1929 原来此处这句基本没有用 且罗嗦 On October 4th the American economy came to an abrupt turning point from soar to slump 此处应该强调是从暴涨到暴跌的转折点 原来用的halt仅仅是停 滞 不足以表达转折点 when the New York Stock Exchange crashed The previous widespread optimism then shifted to a desperate pessimism shading the whole nation as nightmare 此处原句是Consequently the Great Depression befell leaving American economy crippling 无用 故删除 When the Great Depression befell almost all were very pessimistic about American economy Was the situation really as it seemed to be 此处应强调人们普遍看衰美国经济 然后反问 但事实是这样吗 引导 入原题的立场 President Roosevelt said no 以此方法跟上段的设问呼应 insightfully staged a series of measures to save the falling economy Just like a beam of sunlight expels the black cloud in the sky Roosevelt brought a beam of hope to American people saving the whole nation from the suicidal pessimism此处的溢美之词实属多余 He staged a series of measures to stimulate the falling economy and regulate the financial market These measures and regulations have ensured a sound and steady growth for the next seventy years In this sense the Depression is not the same as it seems to be American economy Some may deem the Great Depression as an outright catastrophe to America Yet beneath the bad impacts it heaved upon the country we may find many benefits resulted It is after the Great Depression that American people began to hold dear the value of prudence when investing in the stock market They are more likely to avoid being overwhelmed by the seemingly sweeping optimism of current financial situations The prophets on economy formerly imprudent and arbitrary are learning to be more careful and perspicacious when making predictions to the public Thus from this disaster American people benefit from the financial fiasco and forged some new and beneficial habits that they previously lacked 有了上述表述 此段全部没有用 具体细节根本不需细说 这个例子应该重点强调在股灾后的悲观气氛中 其实存在机会 股 灾后的措施保证了美国经济长期稳定发展 还可以据汶川地震的例子 灾后重建对当地经济有利 防震减灾经验增加 又用在玉树地震 这个 立场类似 塞翁失马焉知非福 In addition the event I went through also supports this thesis In the beginning of my first high school semester I met my mathematics teacher an old man with stony face and low key voice He was by the first glance cold and uninteresting Nevertheless not only he taught very good math but he also owned strong charisma such as humor and friendliness He has a wide breadth of knowledge so by his citing poems to illustrate mathematical theories we comprehend them better Henceforth I came to realize that that my first impression of him was totally wrong and unreliable Every coin has two side 尽管此句较土 还是可以用 We learn facts though exploring carefully coupled with analyzing evenhandedly Only by the correct means can we put tings in right perspective Word count Beneath the surface usually lies the truth which may turns out to be unexpected and subversive To those who only see one facet of an event things invariably seem simple and single sided However to those who are perceivable enough to explore things underneath the surface there is always a BUT One prime example is the America Stock Market Crash in 1929 On October 4th the American economy came to an abrupt turning point from soar to slump when the New York Stock Exchange crashed The previous widespread optimism then shifted to a desperate pessimism shading the whole nation as nightmare When the Great Depression befell almost all were very pessimistic about American economy Was the situation really as it seemed to be President Roosevelt said no He staged a series of measures to stimulate the falling economy and regulate the financial market These measures and regulations have ensured a sound and steady growth for the next seventy years In this sense the Depression is not the same as it seems to be In